I have had homoeopathic treatment for 3 years now. I presented with Depression in the first instance and have had counselling along side this.

I have had relationship problems with my husband for 8 years since the birth of my first child. We also had a 2nd child 6 years ago. He was subtly uncooperative, undermining and unhelpful around the home. He developed asthma days before my first child was born. He would provoke me so that I frequently lost my temper. He would refuse to discuss our life together, plan holidays unless under severe pressure. Even sitting together was a problem for him, whereas before the children we were very physically close at all times. He was unable to support me when I was having difficulties with the children. I do nearly everything at home, even though he is nearly twice my size.

I was advised to urge him to have counselling himself, which he initially refused to do, but tried for 2 sessions under pressure from me. His counsellor wanted to treat us together as couple counselling, but I was advised again that he should have his own counselling. I felt that I would end up with the blame and the responsibility for the relationship not working, because he is able to twist everything round to me not giving him enough.

I managed to persuade him to see my homoeopath where he didn't mention any problems at home, focussing instead on work problems he was having. After some reasonable results with Calc Carb and Nux Vom, he has refused to continue any further.

When I meet his work colleagues, they invariably comment on how lovely and hardworking he is, little knowing that he is silent, irritable and uncooperative at home. I am frequently pushed by him to say that I don't want to continue with the relationship, but actually that is never my intention. I would like to stay with him, partly for security, partly for the sake of my children who love him dearly.

I feel that Pulsatilla would suit him as a remedy. I now have a problem in how to suggest taking it to him. I am tempted to hold the phial under his nose when he sleeps.

Would be very interested in anyone's comments on the relevance of Pulsatilla and the ethics of treating him surreptitiously, given that he is very loathe to do anything for himself or face his unreasonableness.

.

[This message has been edited by GM (edited 03 February 2001).]

Agree Lycopodium may be beneficial but not so sure on the ethics side. Homeopathy is about empowering people through choice isn't it? The tricky bit is who's choosing what. There was a french homeopath called Gallawardin I think. He used to work with the priest and the wives to reduce unatural urges etc in the husband! On the other side there is the old do you put Aurum in the jumpers cup? Hahnemann says nothing about morals in stanza one of the organon, just to heal the sick...

------------------
All the best
Frank
vitalclinic@oceanfree.net

Dear All,

Thank you for your comments. Yes I can see why you suggest Lycopodium, I have thought about that remedy for him before. I may also need it which is why I may have presented the case in a Lycopodium way (?)

The reasons why I have come up with Pulsatilla are:

Suffers his ailments in long periodic cycles, things coming and going all the time. More recently, constant sneezing in the morning and evening, when entering the house, better outside.
Frequently agrees to a decision or action and then changes his mind or changes his opinion.
Needs fresh air to think. Smokes at the same time.

When I am supportive, takes it the wrong way, is suspicious that I am being sarcastic.
Easily put off by any remark of mine, goes silent for hours or days.
Hates arguments, just wants us all to be happy (without him as he works long hours).

Avaricious, loves to make money, frequent topic of conversation, but won’t commit to spending any to improve the quality of our life. Feels pressured when I suggest getting a cleaner. Complains that I spend all his money. I do not work and we do not need a supplementary income. If I ask for more help at home, somehow I end up agreeing to support him more as a condition for him helping me !

Needs strong male support at work, someone to look up to, get approval from. Feels lost when immediate respected manager moves on. Would not consider becoming a CEO.

Ill with measles as a child. Emotionally close to mother, although she annoys him and he gives her the same silent treatment.

Asks me for advice on money matters (I have business degree) but does not act on it.

Knows I am not happy about the high priority he puts on his work (out at 7am, back 7-8pm, works most evenings, reluctant to take holidays). Says “Tell me what to do then !” when I suggest a change in attitude/career.

Complains of lack of encouragement or support when he gets things wrong. Feels he can never get it right.

Admits to being stubborn and obstinate.

Dislikes my conversations, with lots of facts and opinions in. Complains why can’t we have a normal pleasant conversation !

I have to admit here that I did actually put the phial of Pulsatilla 30 under his nose 2 weeks ago in utter desperation, and he has spoken to me openly about the difficulties he is having at work, the lack of support from senior managers. He has been more receptive to the emotional support I have tried to give him and has responded when I have asked for help with little jobs around the house. He has even been seen collecting dirty coffee cups ! He suffered a minor cold and the sneezing stopped.

But after 2 weeks the effect seems to be wearing off. If I decide to continue with this, should I repeat the 30 when I am sure it has worn off or go higher ?

So forgive me for not being completely open, but I would again welcome any comments you have on this situation.

Would you consider Lycopodium a better remedy, deeper acting and should I switch now or see how the Pulsatilla goes ?

I vote for Lycopodium also. Seems to me it's more indicated from what you are telling. Maybe if we had more on the case it would change the picture. It's very Lycopodium-like to act nice in public and rotten at home. He is sometimes mean to people he knows he can control.


As for the ethics, I think no one can decide for you... It's your life and your conscience.

I once knew a woman who put the granules (LEDUM) in her husband's whisky (he was alcoholic) with good results.

Already heard of granules being put in soup, orange juice or a glass of water, stir well and drink...just make sure nobody else drinks in his glass. And if you're sensitive to homeopathy, rinsing out with cold water is not enough...diswasher or at least very hot water required.

By the way, all of you out there, did you know that if your vial of remedy is empty and you are in urgent need of the specific kind of granules it contained...put a little water in the vial, shake a little and put a few drops under the tongue, the dilution will be slightly modified, but the remedy will still work
Marie

.

[This message has been edited by GM (edited 03 February 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mina:
I have had homoeopathic treatment for 3 years now. I presented with Depression in the first instance and have had counselling along side this.

I have had relationship problems with my husband for 8 years since the birth of my first child. We also had a 2nd child 6 years ago. He was subtly uncooperative, undermining and unhelpful around the home. He developed asthma days before my first child was born. He would provoke me so that I frequently lost my temper. He would refuse to discuss our life together, plan holidays unless under severe pressure. Even sitting together was a problem for him, whereas before the children we were very physically close at all times. He was unable to support me when I was having difficulties with the children. I do nearly everything at home, even though he is nearly twice my size.

I was advised to urge him to have counselling himself, which he initially refused to do, but tried for 2 sessions under pressure from me. His counsellor wanted to treat us together as couple counselling, but I was advised again that he should have his own counselling. I felt that I would end up with the blame and the responsibility for the relationship not working, because he is able to twist everything round to me not giving him enough.

I managed to persuade him to see my homoeopath where he didn't mention any problems at home, focussing instead on work problems he was having. After some reasonable results with Calc Carb and Nux Vom, he has refused to continue any further.

When I meet his work colleagues, they invariably comment on how lovely and hardworking he is, little knowing that he is silent, irritable and uncooperative at home. I am frequently pushed by him to say that I don't want to continue with the relationship, but actually that is never my intention. I would like to stay with him, partly for security, partly for the sake of my children who love him dearly.

I feel that Pulsatilla would suit him as a remedy. I now have a problem in how to suggest taking it to him. I am tempted to hold the phial under his nose when he sleeps.

Would be very interested in anyone's comments on the relevance of Pulsatilla and the ethics of treating him surreptitiously, given that he is very loathe to do anything for himself or face his unreasonableness.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
COMMENTS
I think you may like to consider Natrum-mur in 200 potency once daily. The reason is that it has the power to "cure Psychic causes of disease, lower the blood pressure to some extent, reduce the irritability, and the best of all, it has the capability to reverse the nature". You have said that your husband was OK previously. I therefoe, feel "Natrum-mur-200" may be the answer to send him back to his previous nature of being cooperative and loving. In addition, it may also improve his asthma. I am saying all this with my personal experience of this medicine. You may, however, consult your homeopathic doctor before using it.

Wow Mina,
How close your story sounds to mine. My husband and I are coming to an end of treatment with a wonderful homeopath after one long year. Our situation was very, very similar to yours, except that I was lucky that he was willing to try homeopathy and stuck with it (even though he claims there hasn't been much change), but I can say there has been tremendous change for both of us.

The suggestion for Lycopodium is interesting to me. That is the first remedy my husband received and actually the first one for me. At the time I could see Lyc. for my husband, but not for me (I felt I was more Phos.). I did follow my homeopaths suggestion and so glad I did. I would definately stay away from any "self diagnosis". It's to hard to be objective when looking at ones own self.

The Lyc. was only a start for us, but did make him more open to cooperating. Maybe this would give you the edge you need to get him back in to your homeopath. There may be a long road ahead of you. As I have said our treatment took about a year. We saw our homeopath together and on occassions seperately. Life for us together is "much" better. I'm so greatful to the counselor that suggested homeopathy. Without it I'm convinced we would not be together today. I believe homeopathy could very well help you and your husband. I also understand that getting the cooperation is going to be an up hill battle. If I hadn't had that, I probably would have tried what you are doing. Take care and good luck. Kathi

I love your homeopath's observation and agree. I think most homeopaths go to another for constitutional treatment. Recently i have had a virus and tried various remedies which were very strongly indicated but did nothing. After a week I phoned my homeopath who prescribed a remedy I hadn't thought of and would never have done for myself - Baccilinum. Guess what -it did the trick!!!

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[This message has been edited by GM (edited 03 February 2001).]