Hi everyone,

I'm going to give a brief talk on Women's Sexuality, Women's Health, and Homeopathy in a few days. I'm wondering if I could get a little bit of information from BB participants (male and female, it really doesn't matter, as the talk is focused on couples) about what would be most interesting as a focal point--in other words, what would you like to discuss about it, if you were to attend a talk like this?

Divina

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...and deliverance has many faces<br />but grace<br />is an aquaintance of mine

I'm always interested in the importance of maintaining your individuality within the 'coupledom'. People think they form relationships for companionship, love, sex, guarantees about their finncial future etc, I think it is personal growth. Nowhere it is harder to be your own person than when you are in a 'relationship'. Spiritual growth comes from being challenged in all aspects, courage, humility, stability, communication, co-operation, honesty, determination. All the mind games, strategies, back doors, "50 ways to leave your lover", deceits, come from our erroneous quest for personal (ego) guarantees.

On the other hand we can build bridges between personality (ego) and spirituality.

From 'emotions' to feelings:
From decisions and choices to building bridges

From sensation to responsibility
From reacting to responding
From performing to providing
From judgement to compassion
From resentment to forgiveness
From condemnation to empathy
From ignorance to understanding
From resignation to acceptance
From denial to honesty
From resistance/refusal to flexibility
From stagnation to willingness
From suppression to opennness
From sarcasm to kindness
From appraisal to appreciation
From competition to consideration
From comparisons to communication
From criticism to cooperation
From fragility to determination
From annihilation to respect
From ownership to partnership
From impulsiveness to spontaneity
From complexity to simplicity
From superiority to equality
From complacency to maturity
From doubt to trust
From arrogance to humility

Hi Divina,

Great to see you back! I'm always impressed with how little women get out of relationships; sometimes sex is ALL they get, and so they place undo emphasis on it, or go overboard with it, when what they really need for themselves is some help, friendship, companionship, some willingness for the other person to share some responsibility, and I think if women knew how to ask for or position themselves to receive more consideration, sex would be a nice bonus instead of the big ticket item it usually is.

Snoopy

Ahhhh, OK.....how about women would BE healthy, enjoy a lively sexuality, possibly not even ever requiring homeopathy(!)....if men were more trustworthy, caring, nurturing, devoted, active participants in the relationship/family.......well, you get the picture I'm trying to present.......kind of more like women!

I've read that the healthiest/happiest women are nuns. (We can assume sense of purpose, structure, tranquility, lowered risk of disease, etc.......) Next in line are childless women. Also have read that gay female partnerships are the most enduring (with a *quality* remaining to the relationship not just a matter of length of term). Gay male relationships (*couples* can mean different things) are the least enduring. (In general, not always, of course.) Married men are healthier than single. Reverse for women.

Avoid relationships where the other *needs* you in their life in favor of one where the partner *wants* you. Vice versa.

Autonomy is important. I think women should be careful of allowing themselves to be defined by their children or mate. No one is just someone's mother or someone's other.

I also believe that women (and men, for that matter) should feel at liberty to invent whatever lifestyle seems right for them. Not what's right in the eyes of society. Worry less about acceptance from others and more about doing what is right for them. Kind of revel in their different-ness rather than aim to please, so that when they reach a ripe old age, they won't have to write things like "If I had my life to live over, I would wear more purple". Wear it now.

__________________
Sometimes on Earth, you can find something that resembles a little piece of Heaven. And sometimes on Earth, a little piece of Heaven can find you.

What about homeopathy and women in countries where women's natural rights are almost completely curtailed. Giving a remedy that takes away their surrender of themselves to a backward culture could be extremely tragic. As in, bang bang, you're dead.

Wow, I'm grateful for the responses...lots of really interesting material here. Chris, I thought that list of "bridges" to build was lovely...and I know how good health actually depends on being able to make those re-connections.

I'm also intrigued by Carole's idea--but, all kidding aside, exactly which countries are you referring to, Carole? My take on things is this: every country in the world is as sexist as it can be. Here in North America we like to believe women do have rights that are protected under the law--until we see what happens to them when they're raped, or beaten by a spouse, or even killed by one, or try to determine whether or not they want to bear a child. When you think about reproductive rights, women in North America CAN have them--if they've got money to access reproductive services such as birth control and abortion providers. But if they don't...they are just out of luck. I believe that same "luck" and privilege protects women in other countries, as much as it does here. So, in the end, we're really no better off here--but we sure do like to tell ourselves we are.

Anyway, I'm still working on my talk, so I'd love to hear more suggestions if you've got em! I know its a sad truth that women get so little out of relationships--I think all women know that's true, deep down...but the trick is, how do I encourage women to ensure they get what they want out of their partnerships--good sex, lots of support and love and encouragement from their mates, and lots of physical "sharing the burden" of running a household and raising children?

Divina

__________________
...and deliverance has many faces<br />but grace<br />is an aquaintance of mine

Divina,

Total agreement about the real rights we women really don't have. You see it everywhere, in every field, not just in the reproductive areas. Sexism abounds. Even in homeopathy. All my life, in the various things I've been involved in sufficiently to know the inner workings, I've seen the sport, enterprise, charity or business supported by the dedication, enthusiasm and commitment of women who inevitably elect, select or simply allow the few men in the same arena to be the head, boss or leader. Is it the male presentation, that HE is in the business, sport, whatever, in order to make a living, while we women are the tinkerers because we have to raise the children and support the real bread earner?

I've seen in even on this BB. When one contributor was thought to be a man there was an entirely different tone in the posts toward that person. When it was discovered she was a woman, that deference/respect level faded, in my opinion. Perhaps those last words of that last sentence may be the reason? Women tend to qualify, "in my opinion" whereas men tend to state point blank without any wavering that their opinion is correct. Women give more sway. Are quicker to give honor/subjugate to a man than a woman.....no matter how much they profess otherwise.

When I was in real estate school, the teacher always took off one credit point on each of my exams. Not tooting my horn, truly, this is just an example. I had straight 100's on all tests. He would deduct one point because I was a woman so the men in the class would look better. Explanation: the men would go out and use the information to earn a living, a woman would just play at it. Amazingly, no one in the class had a problem with his attitude, other than me.

In the horse world (another example and I could give many more!) mostly women and girls support the entire sport but very rarely are they afforded the respected "professional" status the few men in the business are given. That fault is not the man's alone but the women who allow it to happen. If we are going to pay homage to someone because they are wiser, better, more capable then we, women must do it with equality toward other women, not just to the men. If we aren't going to honor ourselves and our own accomplishments, we can't expect anyone else to do so.

Tell women to never enter or support any "beauty contest", ever!

I think it might be easier to find a "few good men" and clone them?

__________________
Sometimes on Earth, you can find something that resembles a little piece of Heaven. And sometimes on Earth, a little piece of Heaven can find you.

UMMM, since I just made that up off the top of my head I'd have to switch from intuition to thinking to come up with countries. Each country, as you state, has its own brand of restrictions for women. I'm thinking of the worst....where if you look at another man or sleep with someone other than your husband you get murdered...by family members(India?) Or some middle eastern countries where we've seen recently the covering up of the whole body, denial of education,etc with public slaughterings for disobeying. Or where its okay to snip the clit(africa).And so on and so forth.

And the best way to get a good man is to find one younger than yourself...him 20...you 35, and you train him before he gets enculturated by his peers.

Someone younger? Train them? Isn't that what men do?

Divina, I think we would all like to have transcripts of the talk. It's bound to be terrific.

__________________
Sometimes on Earth, you can find something that resembles a little piece of Heaven. And sometimes on Earth, a little piece of Heaven can find you.