Hello Friends!
My daughter 17 months now, exhibits anger and resentment in a manner that makes me a bit worried. Request your advise both homeopathically and behaviour-wise (on our part-how we should react.

She cannot tolerate being corrected, even if its done in a very soft manner. For example if she lays hand on something not meant for her and we say 'Dear please dont touch that' she just turns around and lies down on the floor angrily. If she is holding it, maybe a toy and her elder brother takes it from her forcibly then she throws herself down and cries, this she does without realising where she will fall and get hurt.
At times, if we ask (kindly) something that she is not meant to keep with her, she just throws it down or flings it. Then if we give it back to her, she will refuse it and throw it again. if she wants something and doesnt get it then too she falls on the floor crying at times and then when we give in she refuses it and throws it away. We have tried to reason with her, but if she is not satisfied then she has to exhibit the anger.

I am wondering if she should be given a remedy (Staph,Thuja,Cham,Cina ?) or will she outgrow the tendency with some behavioural approach from us.

thanks!

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Let her touch it under stupervision. She'll get over that anger real quick if you don't put up boundaries at such a young age. Don't want to kill her curiosity.

Hi Valerian -

This sounds like the kind of situation I run into frequently, in my psychotherapy practice. Carolorr's suggestion about letting the child touch things under supervision, and generally adopting a "laid back" approach is sound, I think, and is a good place to begin; a few comments about that, though, and then I'll move on to what may be a more important matter in the situation.

Many of us tend to get into power struggles--I am regrettably fairly well known for this myself--and taking an inventory of your behavioral expectations and disciplinary style can be useful. As a parent, one of the first lessons my daughter taught me was how much easier it is to say "no," than to let a young child explore the world around her: that, after all, is pretty tense, requiring vigilance, speedy reactions, and the rest. And it doesn't get any better: they get bigger and move around more and then they're driving and .... If we are blind to our part in the power struggle in the beginning, it will only get worse as they get older.

But I have to say that I am suspicious of attributing this problem to parenting style at such a young age, although this can and does happen. Usually when this occurs from a parenting flaw, one finds a very considerable about of aggression, verbal or physical or both, in the context of marital problems or parent child conflict. If the child has a strong disposition, he may just be able to ignore it, like water off the ducks back. If he is a sensitive soul, even lesser amounts of conflict may set off behavioral problems.

If you have concerns about this, I would be happy to listen to your more detailed descriptions of a variety of behavioral incidents, the age of onset of these problems, and even taking a bit of a history from you on the child's earlier development and a bit of family history.

Having said all of that, I have to add that my suspicions run in a different direction. When very young children are already showing such dramatic reactions, I suspect environmental sensitivities. My first line of intervention is often diet. And my first dietary intervention is usually dairy: milk and eggs and everything made with them.

I came upon this treatment intervention accidentally, several years ago, in speaking with a mother about a fire setting incident with her 3 year old son. It came out in the interview that an hour or two before he set the fire, the child had had a chocolate sundae. I put this fact together with my knowledge of his history, which included sensitivity to dairy products as an infant. Because his behavior was so destructive, and because nothing else had helped, I felt that an ‘experiment’ with an unusual and untried intervention—eliminating dairy—was worth a try. As it happens, it worked, and over the years I gradually applied this intervention to an increasing variety of cases, often with success.

Since then, I have found that individuals with explosive tempers frequently show similar, rapid improvement with the elimination of dairy products. A friend of mine, a naturopath, cites similar results from elimination of corn. Of course, other foods are also well known for their effects on emotion and behavior or other medical complaints: for example, wheat and wheat gluten, sugars.

Assuming your daughter has been and is exposed to dairy products, I would start by eliminating them--entirely, 100%. If there are nutritional concerns around this change, make appropriate adjustment in consultation with qualified professionals--I am not qualified in the area of nutrition and make no nutritional recommendations. As I indicated, my recommendations are based on behavioral observations.

Even if the elimination of dairy products works, I would recommend further reading the book, "Is This Your Child? A guide to hidden allergies in childrent and adults," by Doris Rapp. She's an allopath, but her documentation of the range of conditions that can be traced to environmental factors is very detailed and informative. See her reproductions of children's artwork, for example, which vividaly documents incredible mood changes after exposure to "allergens." If your daughter is that sensitive to dairy, then she may also be sensitive to other things as well.

Finally, besides the fact that it frequently works (true, it frequently fails to work, or to work well enough), things I like about this dietary intervention include the facts that it is cheap, easy to implement, and returns results in a short time, often within a day, certainly within a month. If there is no improvement in a month's time, then this isn't the culprit.

I hope this helps; I'll look forward to hearing how things are going.

bwv

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"The need to perform adjustments for covariates...weakens the findings." BMJ Clinical Evidence: Mental Health, (No. 11), p. 95.... It's that simple, guys: bad numbers make bad science.

Could just be her personality.

Could be she is simply strong willed and likes to be free to explore (push) the boundaries more than others. It's our job as parents to ensure they explore within safe limits. Sounds like you are gently trying to do this.

Children need boundaries clearly set-out for them (to feel secure).....and when they don't feel the boundaries are constantly being set, some react with tantrums/anger (others react in other ways - because they're all individuals).

Perhaps being a bit firmer while remaining kind in your approach will help (perhaps with a slight increase in the tantrum/anger response at first). Sometimes children are screaming for boundaries to be set and when we're too 'soft', they push harder for us to BE parents. Sometimes we have to 'be cruel to be kind' so to speak.

So, I agree with Carol. Just make sure you help her to explore -- guiding her while nurturing her natural curiosity instead of suppressing/killing it.

Welcome to parenthood .

Wouldn't rush to prescribe a remedy for this.

We can't prescribe on something which is likely to be one's personality. Only when they have clear signs and symptoms of a disease state, can we then begin to look for a suitable homeopathic remedy. Take heart and don't worry too much. She'll soon learn.

And, to add the the excellent advice given here, please totally ignore her tantrums. Walk away to show that they are not acceptable and won;t get her anywhere. Please remember that she is a child and so saying you mustn't let her ruin your life. She has to fit in with you (within reason) rather than you bowing to her. She must know that she can not walk all over you otherwise just imagine what she will be like as a teenager. Praise good behaviour continually even in an over the top manner and totally ignore unacceptable behaviour.

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RSHom - Registered Homeopath

Hi Valerian,
As a mom of a small brood, the youngest finally outgrowing the toddler stage, I would second Ricky's advice. Ignoring tantrum's goes far in managing them.

One of my kids used to throw quite dramatic tantrums (she's a Leo and liked the audience). Complete with throwing herself on the floor, arms and legs flying every which way...I would walk into another room. One time when she discovered her audience missing, she stoppped the tantrum immediately, went toddling after me, found me in another room and then proceeded to throw herself on the floor again, her audience back in place...

Another one of my kids would need to be held when her tantrum was over, as she would feel out of control and post tantrum needed comforting to help her contain the emotions. Just a few minutes of lap time, and she was on her way, happy and secure.

Marisa

You could order the book RAGE-FREE KIDS by 2 famous homeopaths, Judyth Reichenberg Ullman and Robert Ullman. There are many cases in the book like your child's. It gives you an idea of what homeopathy can do. You can probably order it from www.minimum.com

Snoopy

I would seriously question whether a 17month old was exhibiting 'rage'. I wouldn't waste my money.

It sounds like this child is experiencing a normal part of growing up: finding out what works and pays off for her!

It is not our job to treat the various personalities in children.

If she is exhibiting signs of an illness, then seek treatment - otherwise be as good and loving a parent as you can.

I would concur that all of the above is sound advice. Following the adage that the least intervention that works is the best intervention, these are likely the place to start. But I have two caveats:

First, depending on how severe the behavior is and how dangerous, more direct management, even "treatment" of some sort, may be advisable.

Second, how long does one wait? This question may be similar to the homeopathic question, when do you make a second prescription? Wait and see. It requires watching, waiting, evaluating.

With apologies for moving into a somewhat theoretical vein, I have to say that I disagree about prescribing or not prescribing for "personality" versus "symptoms." From a psychological perspective, I'd suggest the idea that differentiating "behavior" from "symptom" is pretty tricky business. From a homeopathic perspective (and speaking as a neophyte in this area, I know), my sense is that, if we accept the widespread influence of miasms in our world, then the line between "illness" and "normal personality" becomes shaky.

To conclude, (I know, I like to hear myself talk!), I wouldn't rule out treatment even at this earlly age, if the problems are serious enough and persistent enough. Choose the least invasive approach first, which I would say includes the advice of your colleagues who have posted to this thread, using professional behavioral consultation if needed. After that, its probably personal preference between homeopathic interventions and dietary interventions. I obviously choose the dietary, in part because I don't like to "strengthen" the constitution, so to speak, if that means permitting the body to tolerate its role as a host to unwholesome foods. I would argue that behavioral symptoms may be seen as the body's efforts to throw off the influence of the dairy or other product, and we shouldn't "suppress" those efforts, but rather work with them--eliminate the problem so the body doesn't have to deal with it.

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"The need to perform adjustments for covariates...weakens the findings." BMJ Clinical Evidence: Mental Health, (No. 11), p. 95.... It's that simple, guys: bad numbers make bad science.