This may sound a little silly, but here I go.
My family and I have just moved away from friends and into a completly new area. We have all settled very well and are making new friends which I get along with really well. ( My partner also )
After moving here I found out I was pregnant again ( my third ) and this was very very unplanned and unexpected. We have decided to keep the child after much agonising on my part.
My problem is that in the last few weeks, after meeting a few other couples, I have been feeling strange about my relationship with my partner and have been having dreams of him leaving me for other women etc. Some of the women that we have met, I would consider him to get along with very well and even though he has not shown any sort of indication that he is interested in them other than purely friendship, I am finding it very difficult to stop these emotions in my head.
We had visitors last night and he was sitting next to one of the women in question for a large portion of the night. They get along very well and seem to have a lot of personality traits in common and also share a lot of the same likes and interests. I started to feel very insecure and I think he may have picked up on this as he would openly show affection whenever he would get up and walk past.
I feel relly silly for feeling this way, and I keep telling myself that I am just creating this scenario in my head, but It is niggling at me quite a lot. I know that if I approached him on the subject he would tell me not to be redicolous (sp? ) and I have already mentioned my dreams to him on different occasions.
I know that this is in my head, and is not him. Please help me to figure this one out
Simone

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Simone_M

Simone,

Congratulations.

Yes these feeings are in your head, but you certainly need some help.

Write to me when you can - but post here if it suits you too!

Warm Regards,
doctorleela

[ 19 January 2002: Message edited by: doctorleela ]</p>

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http://www.homeopathy2health.com

Dear Simone,

We women just can't win! Either we get mad cuz our husbands take off as soon as company--especially women friends--come over, or, if they stay and act sociable, we get suspicious!

Look at it this way, if he really LIKED her, he'd be too nervous/guilty to relax with her in your presence. Also, although they may have a lot in common, he may be physically turned off by her. One doesn't enable the other.

I would ask how the jealousy expresses itself? What does it make you do? But if you'd rather consult privately with Dr. Leela, that's fine too.

Snoopy

Simone,

For what it's worth, In Sankaran's THE SOUL OF REMEDIES, "The main feeling of Hyoscyamus is that of being suddenly let down, disappointed, betrayed and deserted by the person on whom one is completely dependent. ... The situation of Hyoscyamus is that of a man deeply in love with his wife who is having an extramarital affair. ...
Yet another case...of a woman who said that she was very dependent on her husband and lived with the constant fear that he might betray her. ...
Rubrics: ... Delusion, wife (husband) faithless."

Snoopy

Dear Simone,

The emotional insecurity you describe is not in any way unusual for someone in your situation. You are already a parent so in your conciousness you understand the depth of responsibility that is involved with bringing a child into the world. I feel from reading your posts this is not something you would take on without a lot of thoughtful concern. As you'd know, parenthood and a new addition to the family unit are life changing processes for everyone and bring many changes on every level. Life changes have the knack of stirring up every projected insecurity and bringing them into the foreground of our consciousness. You know yourself they are only emotional insecurities but they niggle away gaining momentum while they are not brought out into the open. What starts out as just a passing thought can soon take on Hollywood dimensions (at least they do with me and I can't use pregnancy as a reason!).

I have the impression that it is with your partner that you can best defuse these insecurities. But you need to approach him in a way that he can truly hear your concerns. Your concerns are NOT silly. They are genuine concerns because of the simple fact that you experience them. He may not understand the extent to which they play on your mind, and when he does understand this, he will be in a better position to assuage your feelings of being abandoned, forsaken, jealous, whatever it is that you feel. If they are brought out into the open they will lose their power over you. Who knows, they may even start to seem funny.

I don't see a paranoid or jealous delusional Hyoscyamus process happening here, but I do see you as someone who is thoughtfully trying to accept and integrate the situation you now find yourself in. It's no mistake that a pregnancy evolves over several months with the day by day opportunity to integrate, prepare, anticipate, look forward to, and then celebrate the new arrival. Take it easy, and be gentle.

Chris

Hi Dr Leela, Snoopy and Chris G
Thankyou all for your congrats and kind words. To Dr Leela, I will write asap, to Snoopy and Chris G, I had a hell of a night ( 2 nights ago ) without hardly any sleep, and Chris, I can really understand where you come from when you said that things can get blown out of proportion by the mind ( so to speak ).
I have spoken to partner about this small hiccup, and of course he says Im being rediculous
I spose this has all come about because the idea of having another baby was a totally foreign one to me. Now two years ago, I would have been alright with the matter, but Im in my second year of study, and both my boys are at school, my body image has never been a good one, and I know that Im not the ideal woman ( image wise ) for what my partner would usually go for. Now after this is all said, we have been together for ten years and have two beautiful children and I damm well know that he'd be lost without me. !!!!!!
Yes snoopy, your right, he never usually stays around when the women friends come, and we usually dont socialise outside of the house together as he has different social interests to me, so I dont often see him with other women. This has recently changed and I am now confronted with the physical aspect of him and I and them all being in the same room !!!! I cant just walk away from the small bits of info I get when he comes home, now I have to view thwm as well.
Today, I am feeling slightly better as I have been telling myself that the way I am feeling is natural, and that it isnt anyones fault. I do know that he is not thinking about leaving me etc.
God Damm --- why do we women have to worry so much !!!!
In response to how it makes me feel Snoopy,
Well over the past few days, the feelings have grown from small ones of annoyance to large feelings of jealously, guilt, and anger.
The jealously, is mostly directed towards the fact that this woman has so much in common with my partner and they talk like a house on fire, the guilt is mostly directed towards myself because I have felt like not continuing with the pregnancy and for not being happy with my self image and the anger is directed towards him for not being able to see that I am feeling this way.
After I spoke to him about my dreams, he told me that he thought I was feeling like leaving him for another man and that it was my subconcious trying to point this out to me ???? how does this work when he dreams of me being with another man Im directly asked whether he should be aware of anythiny that may or may not be going on in my life.
All said, I would appreciate any more comments as I try to work through this. I was not sure about taking any remedies while pregnant as I wasnt sure which were safe or not, Maybe I dont even need a remedy -- you tell me.
SImone

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Simone_M

Dear Simone,

There's no matter so simple that talking to a man about it can't leave you totally bewildered! Let me just say this: There's nothing that says you have to have a baby. Do what's appropriate for you at this time in your life. I can tell you that once the baby is born, the studying will stop and the sleep-loss and all the other sacrifices will begin.

You've watched those nature shows on public television, right? The males come around for mating season, and then they split; and the female assumes all the responsibility of pregnancy, childbirth, child-rearing and feeding and educating the babies until they are finally old enough. She does this all alone with no help. In human society, men often try their best, but their best is often pathetic. Figure that you're gonna be in this (mostly) alone, and decide on that basis--what's best for you? You matter too; your life counts!

You can take Hyos. 30C just to see what happens; it may clear your head and enable you to make a centered decision. That's what I would do.

Snoopy

Animals live based on instinct, a male bear does the same thing his great great grandfather did in regards to mating and rearing cubs. Humans choose principles that they will live by. Likely your partner will do as he did with the first two children, or maybe even better if you discuss it and make requests. Ask him for an honest estimate of how he will be able to support you emotionally and support your studies with another baby. You may have a pleasant surprise!

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Kescah

Dear Simone

I forget, are you studying homeopathy or naturaopthy or another thing all together. I know at one point a "SImone" here was studying naturopathy. Just curious.

The intensity of your feelings do indicate that a remedy is needed (imho).

I just wanted to tell you that it is possible t
o study, etc. with a newborn around. I started my studies when my wee Maddie was 2 mo old while also caring for my 3 yr old and a husband who does ZERO to help. That is while also dealing with my ulcerative colitis, anxiety attacks, and chronic headaches - so if I can do it so can you!!!!!

guilt does no one any good so take that and get rid of it, okay?

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Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to animals. For they are without sin and you in your greatness defile the earth by your appearance on it and leave traces of you foulness after you. Dostoyevsky

Barb,

You are truly the 8th wonder of the world!

Snoopy