In answer to Johnstanton's & Ben's questions from my original posting "Depression":
-- I am NOT SUICIDAL-I know alot of depressed people are.

History w/symptoms - as short as I can get it.
12/96 - quit smoking on my own (I don't even know if this is relevant).Also gave up coffee & chocolate.
7/97 - while driving on the highway got a bad headache, felt like I was going crazy like I couldn't control myself. Sweaty, hands & feet tingled, felt faint like. Afraid I was going to faint at the wheel and be in an accident.
These "panic attacks" cont'd so I stopped driving on the highway altogether.
8/97 - "panic attacks" started happening all the time not only when not driving. Panic turned to constant anxiety. Nervous all of the time, sleeplessness, unable to relax.
3/13/98 thru 6/2/98 - recv'd homeopathic treatment. First given 6 panic remedies. I was to put one under my tongue when I felt panicked (used while driving locally). It seemed to work at first but then it didn't. Then given a liquid remedy that you mix with water. Sorry, I don't remember the name of it or how I was suppose to use it. Tried it once and felt like anxiety was lifted for a couple of days but then felt depressed and obessive/compulsive underneath the lifted anxiety. This felt worse than the anxiety so like I said I stopped using homeopathic remedy. Told 13yr. practicing homeopath I was seeing what happened. Was told that she was sorry that she couldn't have helped me. I spent about $350.
7/98-True depression took over the constant anxiety. Feelings were text book. Felt guilty for no reason, felt worthless, crying alot, couldn't wait for the day to be over, isolated myself from friends, couldn't really leave the house - if I did it was very hard to do and I'd always make the shortest trips possible.
7/99 - started taking antidepressants and have been on them since. Like I've said they really have helped me but my concerns are what happens when I stop taking them in the recommended 2 to 3 years from now? I'm told that I may have to be on them forever? (I'm age 33/female) 30 or 40 more years on medication? How could that be good??? If I wanted to become pregnant I'm told I should stop taking the anti-depressant and make it through pregancy to delivery. After delivery I would start medication again and would be unable to breastfeed - that is upsetting. Also, like I said in my original posting anti-depressant makes me feel "in neutral" all of the time. In other words, I don't feel an opinion or emotion alot of the time. I don't know how else to explain.
*********************************************
During this time span 7/97 to present. I have been to several psychiatric professional and have tried many medications & herbs anti-depressants/tranquilizers/St.John's, KavaKava/5HTP). I should also mention that I felt the anxiety and then depression in cycles not constantly. It does not revolve around menstrual cycles. I would get 2/3 weeks of anxiety/depression and then be fine for 6 weeks. It was off and on.

I truely can not pinpoint any one circumstance that led to this major clinical depression - that's what it's been termed. I don't know could ceasing smoking cause ALL of this??? I smoked off&on from age 13 to 30. Never smoked more than 1 pack a day. Smoked most steadily & heavily from ages 23-30.
***Was under alot of stress from 7/95-10/96 due to wedding planning, new job, fiancee's employer not paying him on time, alot of financial stress due to wedding -I don't know could all of this finally have caught up to me emotionally?

Upbringing was fine - 2 parents still married, one male sibiling - great relationship. College graduate, physically in shape, normal weight, great husband.

In closing, the anxiety & depression I went through at times was so severe that I could not function. Also, at the beginning of all of this it was a very fearful time since all of this was new to me and I knew something was wrong but didn't know what it was and it kept getting worse. I stopped working in May of 98 due to all of this. Somedays getting up, making the bed, making a bagged lunch and dinner for my husband, was all I could do. It was beyond saying "I feel depressed". All major illness have been ruled out. I've had an EKG for my heart. An MRI to check for a brain tumor - everything is fine. I don't have a thyroid problem or seizure disorder. The medical/psychiatric world says that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. My dopamine levels are off or low and the medication helps the dopamine work correctly.
I'm told that most depressed people have a serotonin chemical problem but mine is dopamine and that's why it's taken awhile to find the correct medicine.

Your thoughts are appreciated. I know this is long but I want to know what else is out there for me. Before all of this happened I only used to go to the doctors once a year and was busy living life!!!!
Thanks-pluto

Dear Pluto,

Please excuse me ; but I must ask some/many questions.

Was it your sole decision to quit smoking? Please explain what lead you to this decision. Please answer 'honestly', because no true help can come otherwise.If you cannot answer truthfully, then do not answer at all.

What was happening in your life (health-wise) between getting married and 1st anxiety attach? (please explain)

What does your husband have to say about your condition? (please take time to answer this question)

How was your appetite affected (since 7/96)? What do you favor (food/drink)?

Have you ever taken drugs (for anything)?
(please explain) When? What? Why?

Do/have you drink/drank alcohol? (please explain)

Is there any cancer and/or tuberculosis in your immediate family? (please explain)

What did you replace the smoking/coffee/chocolate with?

Will you eat anything sweet now? (please explain)

Is your menstruation normal? Has it been affected? How? If so, then when did it start to become affected? (please explain)
How does your menstruation differ between now and back before anxiety attack?

Do you truthfully wish to have a child? How does your husband feel about this?(please explain)

Will you eat fruit? Vegetables? Milk?

What illnesses were you prone to before quitting smoking? (please explain)

Are your parents supportive of you and your husband? Do they accept your husband? (please explain)

Before marriage were you a active person? Did/do yu like to travel? Do you live in close approximatrion to your parents? (please explain)

Do you sometimes get cravings to smoke? chocolate? coffee? Did you quit because you feel it is bad for you? Did you just get sick of doing these things? Maybe to prepare you for having healthy children? (please explain) How does your husband feel about this?


Sorry for the barrage of questions. The answers are very much needed in order to be more effective. If I have offended you in any way, then please excuse me and do not reply. But if you are going to answer , then please answer EVERY question ; even though it may sound like I am repeating myself. This will be very much appreciated.Also complete truth (to your knowledge) is of utmost importance.

Thank you.

I see here Act. rac. and suggest a dose in a 1M potency once only, then wait. You will see that it is not only depression, but also loss of energy etc. So I will post here a description of Act.rac. and you amy see for yourself if you can recognise it. If so, follow the Rx and see. If not, nothing is lost. Menawhile please answer John's questions, as I would like to see if they further confirm Act.rac. or not.

Here is the idea on Actea.

Actea is a remedy, which is not very extensively described in the homoeopathic literature, mainly because it is not often or extensively known. This is partly due to unfamiliarity with this great remedy and partly because there is not often need for this remedy, at least in the eyes of many. But it is much more often indicated than we think, because it displays a mixture of states, which are recognisable as the syphilitic miasm.
This remedy is made from the black snakeroot, and belongs in the natural order of Ranunculaceae. It is a native of the western USA and Canada and was widely used by the Native American Indians, for a number of female complaints, such as miscarriage, probably due to ergot or smut poisoning. Smut is a fungal disease of corn, which formed the staple food of the Indians and which causes miscarriage, both in cattle and in humans.

“One of the most marked symptoms of Actea rac. is found in the mental sphere: a sense of gloom and dejection, as if there was a black pall over everything; showing the appropriateness of the remedy in hysteria and hypochondriasis”
(Clarke J.H. Dictionary of Practical Materia Medica)

GLOOM AND DEPRESSION

These are women who let themselves be depressed by numerous things, because their state of mind does not allow them to be happy. They have a distinctly negative outlook on life, which they do not hesitate to proclaim to the world. Like Lachesis, they are very loquacious – they talk non-stop and change from subject to subject, without any apparent connection between the two. One moment they may be talking about the family and the next they have gone on to the price of wheat or cloth, without there ever being any indication how these two subjects may be connected. They also talk a great deal about the negative state of humanity, grumble about the lack of manners in modern youth and the appalling state of pollution, dirt in the street and the callousness of smokers, who foul the air for others with their filthy habit. And these subjects have at least some form of resemblance, which is used here as an illustrative point and not as an example of the subjects chosen by the speaker. They will see that everything is gloomy, predict dire consequences for both humanity and themselves and tell whoever wants to listen about the bad dreams they have.
A peculiarity they have is a waving sensation in the brain, which manifests as if the bones of the skull are like two trapdoors, which open and shut constantly. This is usually a prelude or a concomitant of their headaches, which are so severe that they feel that the pain is driving them crazy. These headaches are reflected from the pelvic organs and are due to uterine atony. These headaches settle in the forehead, or in the back of the head in the occipital region. The eyes are very sore with the headache and the eyeballs feel sore on the least movement.

They feel generally miserable, and there is a sensation as if there is no natural holding together. Like Ignatia they sigh a lot, feel grieved and troubled, irritable, taciturn and indifferent. They have the tendency to be troubled by disappointed love, like Ignatia and Natrum muriaticum. At the same time their troubles may stem from failure of business, or fright, which may have been caused by anything. In their negative state of mind they do not or cannot concentrate on anything that requires close attention, and this attitude can also be the cause of their business failure.

MISCARRIAGE

A miscarriage affects most women deeply and they may feel suicidal as a result. On the other hand, if the baby has been gestating full term the woman may develop childbed fever and become totally manic or depressive. In general these women do not carry a term beyond the third month, which is another indication of ergotism, regardless whether acute or inherited from previous generations. It is by no means sure whether this is due to ergotism but the correlative factor is here the third month abortion. This is also often the case with the syphilitic miasm, which is well entrenched in the world population, due to six centuries of suppression.
When a woman has lost many babies in this way, as I have often enough had the occasion to note in India, the suicidal tendency becomes stronger. These women have strong uterine and ovarian pains, swollen and painful breasts and an outlook on life, which is decidedly too negative for their own good. It is however quite understandable and rather than condemnation these sufferers need all the help they can get . A case in point was the wife of a friend, who had miscarried six times already and who was in constant hysterics, to the point where she could not be left alone, lest she commit suicide. Her headaches sent her shrieking and banging the head against the walls, which would get better only when she was allowed to sit on the veranda of the house. She complained about a cold brain, which was due to her headaches. Her periods were excruciating and she found relief only during her customary three months pregnancy, which always ended in miscarriage. Her prescription was three doses of Actea in three successive weeks, which settled her headaches, regulated her menses and relieved her gloomy outlook to the point of making her a quite happy person. Her next pregnancy lasted seven months and again ended in a stillbirth. Another three doses were prescribed, to be administered in the same manner as previous and her next pregnancy ended full term with a healthy baby. She now has four children and is a happy woman, no longer subject to doom and gloom, without painful periods and headaches.
With the gloomy aspect there is also an upset stomach, disordered digestion, with halitosis (bad breath) bad taste in the mouth and a coated tongue. The mouth is full of sticky saliva, which adheres to the throat, with a sinking feeling at the stomach, which unpleasant feeling only exacerbates the gloomy mental state.
But the bulk of the symptoms center on the mind and the female sphere, with its concomitant reflection in the physicals, not withstanding the opinion of Whitmont, that p[physical and mental are simultaneous. It is impossible for the body to become sick in a happy person. Hahnemann says in his Organon that disease is all too often the result of some shock, grief, anger, and other mental aberrations, after which the physical symptoms develop as a reflection of the mental sphere and in their turn ’fix’ the mentality ever deeper, which in turn exacerbates the physical frame.

EXHAUSTION

The reflection on the uterine organs causes immense suffering, with terrible pains that shoot from side to side, while during her period this woman goes through the hell of epileptic attacks, going completely hysterical and cannot restrain herself. She feels strange, suffers from pains like electric shocks here and there, ovarian pains that shoot upward, while simultaneously she suffers intensely from the uterine pains that shoot from hip to hip. Migraines and total weakness are the result. All too often the heart is involved and this oversensitive woman becomes more and more depressed in her mind and can no longer face the world. She is exhausted from the slightest work and her household generally looks like a mess, which only adds to the feeling of gloom. She is unkempt simply because she has no energy to even pay too much attention to her external appearance. She is the overworked housewife, who has too much on her plate and slovenly drags herself through her days. She is somewhat plump, is delicate, sensitive, nervous and chilly; she complains about her back pain, the ache in her neck or in other places and her negative outlook cannot find any positive redeeming feature.
She feels as if there is a cloud on everything and that cloud has no silver lining, the gloom and doom of everyday life in either the suburbs, the slums or among the more affluent, although the mess in the latter household is often taken care of by a servant. We will, in contrast to other remedies, concentrate here on the lower classes, mainly because few homoeopaths have the opportunity to treat the poorer classes of people.

If we go into the poorer suburbs, we see this type of woman more often as among the richer burghers of the land, merely because life for them is so much harder. Often she pines to have children, but her womb fails her every time. She will get pregnant, hope that this time it will come to term and be deceived when the third month is completed. She then is in bed with fever, much bleeding and exhaustion. She feels trapped, because she cannot change anything about her situation.

“Sees wires encaging her”
(Vermeulen F. Concordant Materia Medica)

This feeling of being trapped enhances the black pall over everything. She has vertigo and is often unable to think, cannot find the right word and cannot fix her attention on anything for a prolonged period of time. Scattered in this way she can no longer hold on to her sanity and the anxiety takes over fully. The husband may be a gentleman but all too often he does not understand what is happening. He is confronted by a moaning woman who goes crazy every month and has a completely fractured personality. More often than not she becomes suicidal with her bleak outlook on life. Unlike Ignatia who is so preoccupied with her grief, anger or disappointment that it blots out the suicidal tendency, Actea comes to a point where she seriously thinks about killing herself, where it not for the tediousness of having to prepare everything. She has no longer the energy to even think about the proper way to go about it. She is also too tired to summon up the energy to set the whole thing in motion. In this way she passes her days staring at the television, where the equally bleak programs add to her woes. Watching shows of other people being in situations of betrayal, murder and mayhem make her realise all the more what a gloomy existence life is. And so she is caught in a vicious circle of bleak outlook, exacerbated by pain, crazy feelings, epileptic attacks, miscarriages and boring entertainment, inducing her to the final solution, which she cannot execute because she lacks the energy and the mental stamina to properly think how to do it.

CRAZINESS

Because she is so full of agony, her mental faculties are even more depleted and there appears no way out. She complains bitterly about her lot, but cannot express it coherently and all too often she is dismissed as crazy by her neighbours, despised by her family and deserted by her spouse. Generally she does not know about homoeopathy and also lacks the funds to go see one who can help her. It for such cases that the fraternity should open a joint clinic, where everyone can come for free treatment and which can be run fairly easy, when each of a group of homoeopaths works a day a week, or, if this is asking too much, once a fortnight.

In the slums this type is found even more often. Clarke says that she miscarries for no apparent reason, but careful scrutiny reveals that either ergotism or smut has some role to play, even if only in previous generations or that the syphilitic miasm is to blame in some previous generation. It is one thing to be able to treat the richer part of the population. It is quite another to relieve the poorer sections of humanity. Besides providing relief for them homoeopathic physicians can learn a great deal from treating them as well. It is a stimulant for learning more materia medica, help in better understanding of the same and a challenge for every self-respecting homoeopath. We should never look down on these poor sufferers and adopt a bourgeois attitude towards suffering humanity, for we have been placed here to relieve everyone.
Her dreams at night are of more trouble ahead and the whole of her life seems to weigh her down as if she had a weight of lead on her head. She is confused, depressed and cannot visit anywhere further than she can walk, which is not further than the corner shop. She has great fear of riding in cars, buses or trams, so she will never venture further than she can manage on foot She has visions of rodents about the house, which often is true, especially in the slums and in the face of her messy surroundings. Nonetheless these visions are also real visions, especially at night, when she is lying in bed. She has the tendency to injure herself deliberately, is nervous and fidgety very excitable and desires to wander from place to place. With her confusion she makes many mistakes which drive her crazy.

SUSPICION

Approaching her is difficult, because she has a suspicious nature, which does not allow her to take medicine; hence to get her to visit a doctor is doubly difficult. Once she has overcome her fears, she just sits there, mopes and when questioned, she will break into tears She often portrays her husband or others who live in the same set of units is out to kill her. She also has a deadly fear of rats. She has the tendency to drink, to help her forget her plight, as she is too weak willed to do something about her situation. During her period the mental symptoms sometimes get better and it is in such moments that she may consider treatment, if she is not subject to one of her menstrual epileptic attacks. She does not like to answer questions, while when she is not asked anything she will talk incessantly. She will hop from subject to subject, oblivious to the fact that they have nothing to do with each other. Thus her neighbours and her spouse believe she is mad. At times she will be ready to answer questions but will be evasive in her answers and talk as fast as she can. She is restless; she can read a bit and then must get up to walk around, which soon exhausts her.
Her headaches come on after too much worry, which means practically that they hardly ever leave her. They feel as if a bolt is driven in the brain, as if the top of her head would fly off or as if the head is opening and shutting, with a feeling as if cold wind was blowing on the brain. She likes to sit in the open air as this makes her feel better. she has a wild look in her eyes, another reason why she is thought to be crazy she looks pale, fearful and when still fairly young, has a pimply skin. Her upper lip is often cracked, (Natrum mur), while her jaw is sunken, which gives a besotted look to her face. Sometimes the face looks bluish, with the same features as when pale, blue rings under the eyes, which look large She gets rheumatic with a stiff back, sore neck and often spinal sclerosis, which prevents her from turning her head. There are very few remedies that suffer as much as the Actea type She generally cannot sleep and if she does, she either wakes very scared at 11 p.m. sleeps restless or falls in a comatose sleep. She dreams about gloomy things, of being in trouble, of impending evil or being in a sad plight, thus perpetuating her daily sufferings which cannot leave her alone even during sleep.
Summarising we can say that this is a sensitive woman, who has neither physical nor mental stamina, is gloomy, and suffers intensely both in mind and body. She is confused, talkative without making sense, either to herself or others, is thought to be crazy and thinks so herself suffers anxiety, fright, disappointed love and business failures, as well as miscarriages. This is one of the types that need homoeopathy more than most other remedies.
Actea being so confused and ignorant of her true nature, suffers from hysteria because she cannot find any fulfillment in the material world. She cannot develop herself, lives without a sense of law and knowledge and a total lack of control, which is consequently taken over by Nature.

FEAR: RIDING IN A CARRIGE, BOR 2, BRY, GINS, LACH 2, PSOR 2, SANIC, SEP 2!
ON AND OFF SMOKING= TWO WILLS =LACH!
ONE DOSE LACHESIS M AND WAIT. NO ALCHAHOL, AND COFFE FOR A MONTH, AND LESSENS SMOKING, IF NOT ABLE TO QUIT, SMOKING MAY BE THE CAUSE TO THIS PROBLEM.

------------------
Homeopat MNNH Geir E.T. Marcussen
email: getm@eunet.no
http://www.homeopati.no

Just a quick one. Actea Rae is also known as Cimicifuga in many books. It is one and the same. It is used extensively in pregnancy and post natal depression.

Cimicifuga racemosa, and it is a comaparative to Lachesis,and Sepia, functions well after operations, esp in women esp after castration/ Hysterosectomia.However do i not find to be represented in this case.

If you were to give this to a woman, 12 weeks pregnant, what would the dosage be? These symptoms were brought on suddenly following a miscarriage at 7-8 weeks, and the current pregnancy. My thanks. -K

------------------

Karen SS, Actea or cimicifuga os given as a prophylactic for abortion and easier delivery. It is given a dose every month from the third onwards in a 30c potency. I have used it with success, as it is stated in the piece on many an occasion with brilliant results. When the symptoms fit, give a dose in 30 c and see the depression lift. If this is the second pregnancy begin at the thrid moth or earlier if you want to make sure. No more than one dose a month though!

John Stanton, you have not offended me and the following are answers to your questions:

1.My sole decision for quitting smoking was disgust with myself. I was sick of my hair & clothes smelling like smoke. Also, I was sick of being winded after going up stairs and sick of hiding my horrible habit in front of friends/family who didn't smoke.

2.Health-wise in my life between getting married & my 1st anxiety attack I was fine. There was no major health problems. About a month after I stopped smoking 1/97 I just didn't feel that great alot of the time - tired, cried alot, bad headaches, didn't want to go to obligations on weekends, etc.

3.My husband has been so great through all of this. I couldn't ask for anyone to be more supportive - he has come to many MD appts. with me. This has all been rough on him too, but he never complains he just feels bad that I don't feel good and we don't know what is the correct road to take for treatment - everyone has a different belief on what would make things better and it's hard when you have all these different things being thrown at you and all you want to do is move on with your life and feel better. To answer your question: my husband says that he understands the chemical inbalance theory but he feels that I am a very sensitive person and maybe this does or does not have to do with my problem. He says I have a hard time letting go of things that bother me. If someone does something that "I just can't believe" I keep talking and talking about it - I become obsessive about it instead of focusing on myself. He says I get upset about things that won't & don't even effect my life. He's not underminding when he tells me this and it's true I do do this - why? Maybe a deep low self-esteem that I don't want to admit to??? That's my thinking.

4. How has my appetite been affected. This is a hard one for me to answer. From memory my appetite would change when my anxiety/depression episodes occurred. I would eat more heavy foods and more portions of food when in an episode generally, but then in some episodes I'd eat less than usual. It wasn't consistent.

5. Drugs.
-wisdom teeth - percaset for pain for about 5 days I think in 1988.
-tonsils/appendix - can't remember what drugs but definately took pain killers for 2 to 3 weeks in 1991. And I was put under in the hospital for both of these operations - ansethisia - the operations were about 2 wks. apart.
-birth control - took from maybe 1987-1992. Don't recall what kind/dosage.
-diet pills - over the counter from 1982-1984. I took for weight loss but didn't really need to lose weight - I was basically addicted. I became thin but not sickly thin, not anorexic - but I definately had some type of eating disorder along with 3 or 4 other friends that same age - it's pretty common for teenagers but most don't stay on diet pills for 2 years.
-social drugs. Wasn't big into drugs as a teenager (besides diet pills). From 1980-1985 tried pot/coke a total of 3 times each. Was always given them at a party or something never purchased any of this.
-Have tried the following from 7/97 to present: Midrin for migraines, Clonipin for anxiety, Xanax for anxiety, Ativan for anxiety, Zoloft, child's dose of Prozac, Serzone, & Wellbutrin for depression. Homeopathic treatments, St.John's Wort-liquid-strongest type available, Kavatrol, 5HTP, Fish Oil/Flax Seed Oil for depression. Low estrogen birth control for anxiety/depression. Hormone medication can't remember name-prescribed by an Endocrinologist-I knew going into it it was a shot in the dark but I took it to see if it would regulate my periods, lower my prolaction level, and help anxiety/depression - it didn't work-I got sick from it - took it for about 7 days. I think I've got them all! Unbelievable.

6. I've drank socially through the years 1983 and on but not heavily or problematically. I haven't drank in the past 15 weeks since I started taking anti-depressant. **I should mention that during anxiety episodes I did try a glass of wine or beer to help relax but it didn't work at all. One time I had several glasses of wine (at a wedding) and it still didn't calm me down - it was very strange.

7. There is no cancer/tuberculosis in my immediate family. Immediate meaning, father, mother, brother & 2 sets of grandparents.

8. I replaced the smoking/coffee/chocolate with nothing. I did try an over the counter quit smoking gum but it made me dizzy so I stopped using it - probably used it 3 times.

9. Sure, I'll eat sweets now. Actually the antidepressant really curbs your appetite so I don't eat as much food or sweets. As you know I still don't eat chocolate and I'm used to it now. When I do eat sweets I don't pig-out it's usually a little something extra I have after eating a good diet all day.

10. My menstruation has never been normal ever since I got it. I've been to the MD because of it but there was never any major problem. My mother & aunt were always abnormal too. By not normal I mean I've always had terrible PMS - very moody-cry very easily & sad, irritable, headache, & tired for 7-10 days before my actual period. Then the first 2-3 days of my period I am completely drained - I mean drained - very tired but also I feel good that the PMS is over. Also, I've never really been on schedule although that has gotten better since the antidepressant - the PMS has gotten better too. Sometimes I'd go 6 to 7 weeks between periods but I'd always get it eventually - the later it comes the worse the symptoms are. The longest I've probably ever gone between periods is about 3 months and that is when I was addicted to diet pills.
Being on birth control in the past helped the schedule but I was sick of being on the pill. It doesn't seem healthy to be on it for years to me and now I can't take it because it makes me feel dizzy. I do have cramps sometimes but there nothing compared to the PMS. Unfortunately I'm not one of those lucky woman who knows the date, the time and has no symptoms. **My period has not really differed since before the anxiety - it's always been awful. (I've never had any pregnancies or abortions).

11. I do truly wish to have a child. It becomes more of an issue to me as each year goes by because of my age. Usually when I have PMS right before my period I get sad and cry about not having a child.I would not have a child now because we need to have me back at work and in a better financial situation. We know there is never a perfect time to have a baby however we do feel that anyone taking on the responsibility of parenting should be healthy and financially stable. My husband would love to have a child.

12. I eat fruit, vegetables, and drink low-fat milk. We actually eat fresh (homegrown) fruit & vegetables on a daily basis this time of year!

13. Before I quit smoking I used to have alot of bronchitis and/or swollen glands. I stopped having sore throats from smoking after I got my tonsils out when I was 25.

14. My parents love & accept my husband. My husband is actually closer to my father than to his own. His dad can be very emotionally unavailable.

15. Before marriage I was a somewhat active person. I take care of myself physically more now than before marriage. I traveled more before age 25. From 26 on I kind of became more of a home body than ever and I've kind of have always been home bodish. Yes, we live in a 2 family house with my parents right now. I thought it might be a problem at first but it's not we respect each other's privacy. I've always lived close to my parents. I never lived away when I went to college I commuted. I don't like to be far from home but I'm working on that now. Like I said this was always like me but it got worse from age 26 on and I can't tell you why accept that I like to be close to home it feels safer.

16. I have no cravings for smoke/chocolate. Sometimes I have cravings for coffee and I will get a decaf with a tiny bit of regular in it - but I just started doing this is the past 3 months. Yes, I quit smoking not only because I was disgusted with it but because I knew it would eventually lead to health problems and yes, I knew if I was to have children some day I'd have to quit during pregnancy. My husband is glad that I quit smoking. He actually gave up chewing tobacco when I quit smoking. He thinks that since I'm on an antidepressant now it would be okay to have chocolate but I don't want to because I don't really miss it much anymore.

I'm done!