I am a true blue perfectionist and my extreme personality is causing damage in my life. Will you please help.

I know that Aurum is the main remedy. I've taken a couple of 30c's and 200c's from my homeopath but I haven't seen much improvement so far. I also have taken Ignatia, Nux Vomica, Carsinosin, syphilinum, to name a few.

Tell me what other remedies are good for symptoms like this:

Though I'm pretty intellectual and capable to do carry on many things, in my head I always condemn myself that I'm totally incompetent and no good. This is so bad that being 26 years old and still can't go find a job. I am afraid others might judge me if I do anything in front of them.
I'm constantly working on never-ending self-improvement.
I feel that if I don't do things perfectly I am not loved.
The more I achieve, the more I demand on myself.
I am devastated when being criticized and take a quite a while to let go.
I depend on others to determine my worth.
I'm an over-achiever.
I want everything fast (impatient).
But I don't have suicidal thoughts or chronic depression any more (I used to though).
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome over 3 years.

I desperately need your advice.
Thanks,
Nao

Have you considered Palladium?

Could you explain how the feeling of self condemnation developed?

What do you try to achieve? In what field?

What is your view on the world and the state of things today, does it concern you at all?

What about your family and friend in relationships?

regards,
doctorleela

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Thanks, Doctorleela! Your post was much appreciated like the water in the desert!!!!

I haven't tried Palladium yet. Actually that is the remedy I requested to my homeopath lately to prescribe for me. It was interesting that you thought the same way.

The cause of development of my feeling of self-condemnation is how I was raised.
My father used to compare me with himself (he was always a smart and popular kid and why couldn't I be the same...etc). He used to verbally demean less educated people. So that made an impression on me that if I was not educated enough (say, having Master's degree or Phd), I am not accepted. I thought his beliefs were that if you are not the CEO or of any VIP status, you are worthless. So all my life I've been trying to please him, but no matter how hard I try, I don't feel recognized. He didn't give me enough praise I needed as a child.

I am trying to achieve to become someone that looks good to the peers (especially to may father). For example, I like interpreting languages, so I want to be a professional interpreter. But I can't be the "ordinary" interpreter. I have to be THE best of the best in the history to impress my father. And that is impossible.

My relationship with my father now is great. I have a great family. It's just his words I heard when I was a child still haunting me and causing damage.
With my friends, I tend to always please them. I try hard not to be disliked. I constantly feel like I have to give and give. I need to be the center of their attention and be praised constantly. I get exhausted after I come home because I feel that that is not real me.

Doctorleela, I really thank you for your help!!

Nao

Dear Nao

I am sure you will find the help you need here and wish you the best of luck. I am not a homeopath but a student and I almost never offer up a suggestion for a remedy and will certainly defer to Dr. Leela's expertise and wisdom but I did want to mention that when I read your post I thought of Silica or Lyc. According to Rajan Sankaran in The Soul Of Remedies Silica and Aurum are often mistaken for eachother. Please take a look at Silica's description.

Also I think more info is needed from you with regards to you mention of Chronic Fatique Syndrome - how does this manifest itself in you. What other physical symptoms do you experience? How is your sleep, digestion, respiration, perspiration? Any skin problems?

Again, I wish you the best.

Barb

__________________
Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to animals. For they are without sin and you in your greatness defile the earth by your appearance on it and leave traces of you foulness after you. Dostoyevsky

Thanks for your insight, Barb. I have tried Lycopodium before, so I will look into the description of Silica.

My physical conditions are:

I am constantly exhausted.
My body is stiff all over (but painless) and feels heavy. I feel very weak. I always feel a little better when given massage.
My extremities are cold.
Have brain fog (means I'm pretty much out of it. Sometimes I just lie on my bed with my mouth open and cannot think).
I have trouble sleeping. My sleeping cycle is so messed up and it varies every day.
Sensitive to any small noises or lights. I sometimes wear sunglasses in the house (right now my computer screen is killing my eyes as I'm typing). I need ear plugs during my nap.
I am sensitive to and overreact over almost everything (pain, stress...etc).
Music affects my emotions more than it does to others.
I have dry skin.
I don't have problems with my appetite or digestion.
I don't like getting out of my house. I hate being seen or talked to by anyone. I don't even answer the door when the door bell rings. My communication with outside world is pretty much limited to e-mails now.
I hate hot and dry climate. Summer is a torture for me. Though my body is cold, I love the chilly, moist air. I like winter.

Well, it's got too long. I appreciate anyone who are reading this trying to help me.
Barb, please don't hesitate posting your impressions. They are important. Any advice on selecting the proper remedies are welcome!

Thank you,
Nao

P.S.
What are your thoughts, doctorleela?

NAo,

Think Silica is a good suggestion as an alternative. That is why I asked you a few more questions in my first post. What about your views on the worls etc?

I think you should give Palladium a try and if not then Silica.
Warm regards,
doctorleela

PS: David JKempson may drop in and give you a good second opinion!!

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Barb,

You must truly be a genius because I, too, thought of Lycopodium and Silica. However, she is very cold but dreads the hot weather. This is generally not like Silica.
It might be good if we could get some more symptoms from her, for instance: does she throw the covers off at night despite being cold? Does she have an aggravation time--a time each day which is the worst for her? What's her best season? What makes her angry, how does she express it and can she stand up to people? What caused the chronic fatigue and how long has she had it?
What foods/drinks appeal to her? How are her finger nails? How is her sleep? Digestion? Perspiration: location, when, and odor? Vertigo? In general, what makes her better or worse? What does she feel passionate about?

Snoopy

Thanks Leela, I think I will.

Silicea are the ultimate perfectionists, wanting the perfect image, usually set up for them by someone else. Living up to their father's/familiy's expectations is very much a Silicea problem.

Palladium does look good, but there is always a problem with patients reading the description of a remedy, deciding that is the remedy they want, and then giving the symptoms in the way that nudges the practitioner to give it.

I would look at rubrics like:

Delusion does wrong.
Delusion can never succeed, does everything wrong.
Delusion he is a failure - aur-s, bamb-a, germ, lac-del, naja, sulph.
Delusion criticised
Desires to hide
Delusion is being watched
Fear of her condition being observed
Cannot bear to be looked at
Delusion unfit for work - cupr, meph
Fear of opinion of others

Germanium is also this sort of perfectionist. But out of these rubrics, I would consider Calc carb and Bamboo.

[ 18 October 2001: Message edited by: DavidJK ]

__________________
David Kempson.<br />Dip.Homoeopathic Medicine.<br />Lecturer Australian College of Natural Therapies (Brisbane Campus)<br />Member AHA, AROH, HMA<br />Member Australian Homoeopathic Association. Member#0442.

Thanks for the post, Dr. Leela, Snoopy, David! Gosh, I don't know why I shouldn't have posted sooner. I got advice I've been needing for months in a second. Thank you to all!

Dr. Leela:
I view the world as an unfair place. People who are less capable than I is being treated with more respect (salary...etc). I feel that I should get more recognition with my abilities but I'm afraid to express them lest be judged.

To Barb:
I like being covered. I love the feeling of being warmed up in my bed.
I tend to get worse (even that I cannot move) when I go too hungry. I have to eat every 4-5 hours.
I feel worse after breakfast. Even though I was all fine before, as soon as I eat the first meal of the day, I become bed-ridden for another few hours.
I don't have a certain time for amelioration. It varies by day.
What makes me angry is when I ridiculed, minimized. I want to be seen as so intellectual, someone on the pedestal.
I get very resented when vulgar or violent scene is shown or heard. Being virtuous is important. I react too much over a tiniest thing (I'm too rigid).
When I have an opinion I stand up for it even though I'm the only person who holds the idea.
I like any foods.
I sweat on my feet even on a coldest day. I wash them with warm water a couple of times a day and I feel better.
My sweat doesn't have ordor.
I don't have vertigo.
My finger nails look normal.
I am passionate about righing the wrongs of the world (people shouldn't do this and that). My heart goes out for those of minority ethnicities (refugees...etc). I want to help.
My best season is winter. Worst is summer.
I have chronic fatigue for 3 years. My estimation of the cause is the stress accumulated from my perfectionism over the years.

David (and to all):
So how should I go about with remedies? I already took Silica 30c 8 hours ago since that is the only one I had in handy. (immediately experienced vertigo--guess it's working). I wonder if this is the right potency though. you also say Palladium and others are good recommendation.

Please tell me specifically. What to take first, then next, in which potencies?!

Can't thank you enough,
Nao

In my opinion NAO,

You don't need to look beyond Silica and Palladium. So no need to try anything else. One of these two will work.

Warm regards,
doctorleela

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