I'm sorry to bother anyone but I don't know exacty where else to go. My marriage is on the rocks and I am bound and determined to try to make it work (or at least try). You see my husbands actions make me quite ill. He agrees that he needs help but he wont see anyone because he thinks most, if not all, doctors are quacks and therefore doesn't trust them.

The problem: First is his harsh anger. He will be angry over simple things...ie: chewed me out(for quite a while) for buying a fountain soda instead of one in a bottle or especially when it takes longer than a min. to find anything he will go into a fit, and if the matter is not resolved he will start throwing things or kicking any object that is around him.

Second: what is he not hooked on???Football is his first love. It comes before most things...including me. Then there is the gambling, alcohol, and the coffee etc...

Third is this need he now says that he need the feeling that he can be free to do as he wants...(is he having a mid life crisis??)including flirting with other women, going out to the bar, watching porn ....

He says he hasn't done anything wrong(I found an online personals posting he sent) and that all in all he is a really good person and that most people are worse than him. He is quite proud that he rarely gets sick (except for the weird rash by his mouth that pops up when he gets stressed) and he views people who get sick as weak.

Me, I've been sick as a dog. My stomach has been having really sharp pains and I am constantly melencoly.

I just want to try to get him to calm down, maybe do a little reasoning so he can see someone. (if nothing else i said my peace)
thanks

Yola, if you are truly serious about changing this situation, the only person you can change is yourself.

You should seek out a qualified classical homeopath to see in person for a full consultation.

Classical homeopaths prescribe on the totality of your case, they use one remedy at a time, they use the least amount of that remedy possible, and they monitor advances towards health using Hering's Law of Cure (in other words, they make sure they do not just suppress your illness, but ensure that it is cured along predictable lines).

This of course involves commitment on your part--you are not going to get a "magic bullet" to cure you of every ailment and set all things right in your world.

I suggest you do some preliminary reading to familiarize yourself with what homeopathy can do for you and then consider some good quality treatment for yourself. You will then be in a much better position to make healthy changes in your life--and your quality of life will be made better. If your husband wants to join in because of all the good changes you've made for yourself, great; if not, you'll look after that problem effectively too.

Here's a free on-line book with some great, concise information:
www.demystify.com

go to the site, click on "The book online" link, and read away. Good luck.

You can find a referral list of classical practitioners near you at:
www.homeopathy-cures.com

Divina

__________________
...and deliverance has many faces<br />but grace<br />is an aquaintance of mine

Yola,

I wonder if you can answer some questions for me. What kind of weather does your husband prefer? What's he like in the morning? Rested and rarin' to go? Or toxic?
Is he more on the chilly side than a tendency to be hot and hovering near the air conditioner? What kind of food does he like?
How does he feel about spicy food? Beer? Fatty food? Cold food/cold water? Are there any digestive problems, like constipation, heartburn, etc.? Sleep problems?

What core belief would you say he has which you think is not true; such as, a belief that he doesn't have enough money, or enough freedom, or that he's "a great man", and so on? How does this central delusion affect his behavior? What is driving your husband? What is his passion in life?

Thank you,
Snoopy

P.S. Yola, look into Staphysagria for yourself.

Divina,
Thank you for your honest opinion. You are truely correct. I was much better able to handle stresses and situations better when I was healthier. I'll try to find a way to see someone and do more research.

Snoopy,
I'll Try to answer your questions the best I can.
What kind of weather does your husband prefer?&gt;He prefers pleasent weather, but he seems to be in better spirits when it is cooler...he's always warm when it is cold out.

What's he like in the morning? Rested and rarin' to go? Or toxic?&gt;If he has had at least 6 hrs of sleep he's good to go and is rarely in a bad mood in the morning.

Is he more on the chilly side than a tendency to be hot and hovering near the air conditioner? Heaven forbid the A/C goes bad. He sleeps with the fan on high and without a shirt so he can sleep with his quilt(woobie).

What kind of food does he like?
How does he feel about spicy food?&gt; He loves dairy all forms of it... especially sour cream and cheese. Loves the spicy food too.(I should buy stock in pace)
Beer?&gt; He is an aficionado and loves the brown ales.
Fatty food?&gt; yes yes
Cold food/cold water?&gt; Always cold
Are there any digestive problems, like constipation, heartburn, etc.? Heartburn is a problem...occationally his throat will be dry and he can't swallow and will start choking.
Sleep problems?not really unless i keep him up.

What core belief would you say he has which you think is not true; such as, a belief that he doesn't have enough money, or enough freedom, or that he's "a great man", and so on? How does this central delusion affect his behavior?&gt; I think i can answer htis with a story. When he was on high school he wanted to play football. He worked really hard to get his grades up and to be in good physical condition (at the time he was still small for his age&lt;5'1"&gt; ). Well his parents told him no, they thought it was too dangerous. So he dropped out. He STILL blames them for not having a better adult life (didn't go to college...etc.). He doesnt feel he is wrong...if he thinks what he did is no big deal, then I should too and not feel all the emotions too.
What is driving your husband? Competition...if he is not right or better than me than there has to be a reason why. Justification or anger that i am treating him wrong.
What is his passion in life?First the kids, But football is really high up there. He knows just about everything there is to know about the sport. Huge Bucs fan.

I have a couple of side notes...When he is out in public he is different, very out going and conversatinal. When at home he is withdrawn and wont reveal much about himself.
Secondly he says he wishes he could be like Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down just go off on them if he in not happy( Very impatient and gets furious if some one doesn't do their job right or forgets something)...it scares the !#@* out of me cause one day i think he will(thank God we dont own any weapons).

Well I hope this answers your questions well enough...thank you for your concern.

Divina well done! I could not agree more. Yola you will never change him if he is unwilling. You can change yourself.
Homeopathy is about freedom and balance. One becomes sick when they are stuck in certain points in the physical, emotional or spiritual areas.
Yola get thee to a homeopath. You sound trapped and your health is showing it. People who have undergone homeopathic treatment have moved ahead in all areas; they physicaly feel better, they blossom in careers or find new ones, they create better relationships etc.

Best of luck to you!

By the way are the Bucs favored on Sunday?

Dear Yola,

How does your husband feel about animals--dogs, cats, etc.? How does he feel about bacon? How thirsty is he? How does he feel about sweets? How does he feel about oranges/orange juice? Does he have any feelings about the ocean? Does he sweat during sleep? How does he feel about travel, change, moving about? What is his sleep position? At what time of day or night does his energy dip? What time does he come alive? Does he desire ice? Do you know what diseases, including sexually transmitted diseases, are in the family, or that he may have had? What is he afraid of?

Thanks again,
Snoopy

Hi again, Yola,

I've been looking at your case. Has he singled you out for attack? How long has he been treating you this way? I've been thinking about Nux Vomica, Fluoric Acid, Lachesis, Sulphur, Lycopodium....Certainly Lachesis when you consider the choking behavior; and Lach. is very hot, wants cold drinks, is addicted to coffee and alcohol, hurried, egotistical, suspicious....Then, Sulphuric Acid is VERY hurried, impatient, angry and irritable; also alcoholic, very hot....Nux Vomica has ailments from decieved ambition, which describes the story about his parents keeping him from his beloved football, from which he never seems to have recovered. Lyc. is very haughty, quarrels with his wife but is Mr. Nice Guy away from his family; also hates restriction, desires many shallow relationships with the opposite sex; but Lyc. tends to like warm drinks and they're addicted to sweets. Fluoric Acid is trying to end his marriage so he can have many affairs. But they don't want to have anything to do with their children either.
So far I like Lachesis the best. Is he jealous? Is he loquacious? Does he jump from one subject to the other? I feel as though I need to know more information about him. I know that he's hot, desires cold air, very hurried and impatient, goes into rages over trifles, is egotistical and haughty, addictive personality, restriction aggravates, desires fat, milk and spicy, cold water, has choking and dry throat, has an impulse to kill, and is lascivious. If there's anything else I should know that would help individualize the case, please let me know.

Snoopy

Snoopy,
Here are some more answers for you

How does your husband feel about animals--dogs, cats, etc.?&gt; He will tolerate them if they belong to someone else, but other wise he doen't like animals as a whole.
How does he feel about bacon?&gt; Loves it.
How thirsty is he?&gt; Always thirsty, always drinking something.
How does he feel about sweets?&gt; he likes sweets well enough but if you put something salty there he will go for the salty snack first.( he can live off of chips)
How does he feel about oranges/orange juice?&gt;loves oj but it has to be fresh from florida oj.
Does he have any feelings about the ocean?&gt; nothing either way
Does he sweat during sleep? sometimes, he is mostly known for having a greasy head...gets the pillows nasty.
How does he feel about travel, change, moving about? Enjoys traveling has no problems with car trips.
What is his sleep position?&gt; Stomach with a pillow under this torso.
At what time of day or night does his energy dip?&gt; early evening
What time does he come alive? Late night
Does he desire ice? not really
Do you know what diseases, including sexually transmitted diseases, are in the family, or that he may have had?&gt; In the family...Diabetes, lieukimia, and alzheimer's disease. His dad died of Cngenitive heart falure in his 50's when he was 18. He has no no known diseases...but he was a bed wetter until the age of 8 or 9. (he never told me ... I found that one out from his family)
What is he afraid of? Eating fish (those bones...he wont even eat Mrs' Pauls because i stupidly told him they might have some too, although highly unlikely). Snakes too.

Other notes...He loves his children dearly. He is proud of the fact that he can live very simply... TV (yes on the floor ...no need for furniture), fridge, and the telephone & thats about it. Says i squander my money on too many trivial things.
I'll try to think of more things.

Thanks again

Yola,

He seems very protective of his throat, even to the point of not eating fish sticks, and he's afraid of snakes--and I take it there's no reason for this fear--unless you know of one. So, I would recommend Lach. 200C--a snake remedy-- for your husband (some would say 10M, so I'm kind of giving a cautious recommendation) and for you, Staphysagria 200, one dose.

The reason I believe you are in a Staph. state is because--not just that you have ailments from abuse--but also, the first thing you said was, "I hope I'm not bothering anyone..." This is the signature phrase of Staphysagria. They are overly nice, they can't fight back, they can't be confrontational so they suppress their anger, often resulting in stomach aches, etc. They are passive, mild, humble and sweet. They are noble and don't complain. Staphysagrias have what Oprah calls "the Please Disease"--they want to please everybody; a history of abuse mixed with fear, guilt, and humiliation. Every once in a while, they will become so outraged by the abuse they are receiving that they will have an outburst of anger and pick something up and slam it down or throw it across the room, and everyone is shocked because she is always so passive and mild.

So, my hope for you is, that either Lach. will work for him or Staph. for you--if either one of you changes for the better, the relationship will too.

Let us know what happens.

Snoopy