Here’s my husband’s case as promised weeks ago. I’ve tried very hard to be accurate and do him justice. We are not generally getting along (see description of him and his habits) and I moved out of our bedroom about four years ago. There isn’t constant fighting, more like staying out of his way so I don’t have to deal with him. This does annoy him a great deal. He wishes that I would just act like everything is fine. I say that I pretty much did that for twenty years, now it’s time for a change.

I’m still seeing a homeopath. Hoping to get my act together. I know that he would not actually go to a homeopath, but would happily take your advice. Hopefully if we’re both getting treatment, we’ll get back on the track that we left almost as soon as we started out.

He’s tall, thin, has poor posture (due to spinal curvature from 30+years spinal arthritis ), when dressed up he presents as clean and neat but he's hiding fairly bad hygiene habits. Does not bathe/shower. Does not wash hair. Does not brush his teeth(his teeth are in very bad shape with many missing, the rest stained and pyorrhea a major problem. He had a partial plate made years ago, but didn’t give himself time to get used to it and gave up on it. However, he’s very self conscious about how they look. Wears a fairly bushy mustache in an attempt to hide them.) Changes socks daily(without fail) but other clothes he wears for as long as he can.(This in part because we're having a standoff about me taking care of his clothes, but even when he didn't have me to blame he preferred to wear the same shirt for many days if he was at home and has always worn his underwear for days to weeks at a time.) He gets very attached to his clothes. Has very few(even when money was better and we could afford for him to have more). He likes styles from many years ago. So, he won't buy new clothes in a store because "the collars are the wrong shape", or other style problems. He buys his clothes in Salvation Army type places both to save money and to get styles he's comfortable with. In our house we have(readily available for use) all of the clothes he's owned since I've known him(25 years). He has total use of our only closet (full of clothes he doesn't wear), also a dresser, and piles on the radiator, bench, humidifier, floor, chair. Almost all clothes he doesn't wear but will not let go of.

While we're on his hoarding problem...let's say that this holding on to things since I've known him (and before) applies to everything...books, furniture, papers, magazines, parts of you name it(plumbing, auto, electrical), rooms full of flea market finds (bought for cheap to re-sell at great profit---they sit for years without him even trying to sell them. He continues to plan for profit and buy and store).

His feelings on this are that it's a shame to throw away something that could possibly be used someday (even if the possibility is remote), that it's wasteful, almost criminal or sinful. It's just not right. I have told him repeatedly that I am getting close to leaving him because of all the clutter. He understands. He doesn't want this to happen. He just can't seem to let go of the stuff.

He has to have everything he owns within sight. He would be happiest and calmer I think if everything he ever needed to use was all laid out on tables for him to see (or even in neat piles on the floor).
In a kitchen full of food, he will open a drawer and close it, open a cupboard , close it, same with the refrigerator (all without really looking or seeing what’s inside). Then storm about the house because I'm not providing food for him.(his first preference would be for me to anticipate his hunger and offer him a selection of foods and then prepare the food for him(his mom always did this... no matter how busy she was, no matter how old he got...number one son...always most important), second choice would be for me to kindly answer the question,"what is there to eat?" (it's been years since I found this to be a reasonable question.)

He actually came into the kitchen the day after Thanksgiving one year, while all the leftovers were on the table in plain view and everyone else was making themselves a sandwhich, and asked , "so what's for lunch?" He became visibly angered in front of company when I wouldn't run down the food list for him.

He causes so much trouble around food that I seldom even eat in his presence anymore. I never know what's going to be "wrong" or annoying to him. What is perfectly fine one day, is cause for chaos the next.

He forgets most things that we tell him.
He professes to be interested in our lives but...
walks out having been distracted in the middle of conversations. He truly believes that he wants us to talk with him about our lives. He just isn’t interested. Do you understand? He wants to be interested but none of the subjects that interest any of us, interest him.

He’s very worried about money (lost his job of 14 years Feb. 1999 and couldn’t find a fulltime job for almost 2 years. We’re actually doing ok (not great by any means but we could manage and maybe relax a little) financially now, but he doesn’t believe it.)
Everyone else (me, his siblings, his friends, my family, people he has worked with) thinks he's a tightwad or frugal or cheap. He disagrees.

Highly respected within his profession though when he lost his job 2+ years ago it was through gross political injustice. Neither of us is over this. There was a vendetta against him because he refused to do what was legally and morally wrong. Others say he was vindicated, because those that were against him failed. However, because of the scandal, he’s basically blacklisted within his profession (at least locally). He’s been
unable to get a comparable job in stature or compensation.

He often seems uncomfortable socially as demonstrated by a nervous laugh that pervades his conversations accompanied by blushing.
This job situation has maybe accentuated his problems but most, if not all, of the issues that I describe are from as long as I have known him.
His family and friends all look to him as a resource in most things.

He enjoys working with computers and problem solving. Has always like to take things apart to try to fix, theoretically unfixable problems.
He used to spend almost every free minute reading. I would say that this has diminished greatly over the past 1-2 years. This is not a particularly good thing. He took a great deal of pleasure from reading.
He has to have the radio on to get to sleep and even turns it back on if he awakens during the night. Plays talk radio programs quite loudly.

Enjoys making music. Plays a little guitar. Has thousands of dollars invested in synthesizers and recording studio type equipment. He goes through periods where he plays all the time and periods(most of the time now) where he doesn’t touch the stuff(though if you asked him about it I think he’d say that he loves making music). He has no formal musical training, can’t read music. I think he feel a lack there.

He spent almost no time with our kids when they were growing up. They’re now 19 and 16 and I know he regrets the time lost, but can’t figure out how to get in touch with the kids now. He’s very awkward in his attempts at contact/bonding.

He gets a fair number of headaches. Some are just everyday headaches. Then there are those that he takes days to get rid of. He seems to be in excruciating pain. I think mainly over the area behind his (L) ear and going down his neck and into his shoulder.

He saw a chiropractor for years because of his spinal curvature and spinal arthritis. His back still gives him some trouble but is much better than it was 20 years ago, when his sciatica type pain would stop most activities on an almost daily basis. Worse after sitting.

He lost some of the vision in his (L) eye due to retinal detachment. It was diagnosed as an emergency in 1982(approx) and he went to a doctor about it 10 years later and was immediately operated on to reattach his retina. He is not happy with the results. Says he has a blind spot on that side, still sees flashes of light, and that the surgery messed his brain function up. He did have a violent reaction to the anesthesia. He was very aggressive coming out of it.

He likes thunderstorms and snowstorms.
Is addicted to coffee(always has a cup going) and cigarettes.
Sleeps (R) side.
Does not seem to have any hot/cold preferences (he’s miserably hot in the summer and unbearably cold in winter…a very unhappy fella).
All natural things hold a particular attraction for him. (vitamins, herbs, etc, of course but also must only use ivory soap, will not use deodorant because of the chemicals, hates the idea of processed foods, but happily drinks loads of coffee and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day).
He always feels like he's being taken advantage of or being cheated by society/life.
He frequently describes his emotional state as frustrated. (I say he’s angry to which he responds, “I’m not angry. I’m frustrated.”)
He actually feels uncomfortable/nervous if something in his physical environment changes. Often he feels angry, as if we're doing something against him by cleaning up his stuff. He has the attitude that everyone else’s stuff can be left around, but that I have an unjust attitude toward his stuff being around. This is not the truth. There are several places in our house where no one can walk because of all the stuff he has. My son may have some light to shed on this subject since he’s at the beginning of the “keep all my stuff within reach, just in case attitude”. I told him (my son) that he would feel better (he was depressed) if he would clean up some of the clutter in his room. He responded, “No it makes you depressed, for me it’s security.”
I think that’s the way Joe feels, too.

He says we never include him in our plans, but he always declines our invitations, so we don't think to ask and he gets mad/hurt, so he's uncomfortable to be around, so we don't want to invite him to do things with us, and the circle continues. There are other reasons for us not including him in our plans, beginning with… he always finds something wrong with our plans and he gets antsy to go home(well before we’re ready). I think he’s actually improving on this front and does manage to go out with his friends on rare occasions. We(my kids and I) are already conditioned that it’s trouble to ask him to join us and it’s trouble if he does join us(we can’t relax with him around—ahh…that’s the bottom line)

He asks stupid questions and /or the same questions over and over. We are all tired of saying, "We already had this conversation." Then he gets mad because he thinks I'm trying to convince him that he's crazy.

Sits and twirls his hair with his fingers while he watches television.

Loves fireworks. Sees them as many times a year as he can.

Spends most of his time, when not at work, sitting, passing time—flipping channels on the television remote, looking prices up on e-bay (to see if he can make a killing on something that he can buy cheap), doing crossword puzzles on the porch, or just sitting smoking on the porch.

He doesn’t talk to me most of the time, but gets annoyed that no one talks to him. We don’t talk to him most of the time because—he has repeatedly demonstrated little sustained interest in what we’re talking about over the course of twenty or so years, (walks away during a very short answer, after he’s asked a question and doesn’t remember that you had been talking), criticizes what we say, takes over and problem solves (often when there was no problem to be solved). Him taking over is a huge problem in this family. We keep our projects etc to ourselves often because we want them to remain our projects. He always thinks he knows best about everything. (even when it is very clear that he does not.) This probably comes from so many people outside of our immediate family thinking that he’s so smart. On the other hand, he would starve to death with money in his pocket and a car in the driveway.(actually waits hours on a regular basis for me to come home before he will eat. Feeding him is my job.)

Concerned about his physical health…heart (dad died suddenly of massive heart attack, after yelling at a stranger) — Joe is polite and gentle with almost everyone but me. But when he gets mad enough, he looks like he could explode any minute… He jumps up and down, tucking his arms and legs in, as he’s screaming at me, saliva streaming out of his mouth, his face is red and all through this he continues to make himself coffee(though he does slam while he does it). Quite the sight, actually…

Bottoms of his feet numb (for years).

Fatalistic and pessimistic…his attitude is that everyone else wins…he always just misses the boat…he has ideas, someone else has same idea and acts on it, he gets angry (this has happened many times, yet he doesn’t get the hint that he should act on his ideas)

Regularly invests money we don’t have to spare in “get rich quick” schemes. Not enough to put us in financial danger, but his attitude is one of waiting for the easy money.

Great plans mostly never actually started, but, if started, definitely never finished. Lots of pipes duct taped over the years til the leaks are so relentless that we have to buy the pipe and repair it properly (he’s very skilled at this type of work and plastic pipe is very inexpensive).

Sometimes, totally unpredictably, he can be gentle, helpful, understanding, supportive. This may be only 1-5% of the time, if I had to estimate it. It seems that he just decides to be this way. He knows what a huge difference this makes in the way he is received by the rest of the family. I guess he just can’t find this part of himself most of the time.

Always thinks everything we do/ every choice we make is against him. (purposely against him, not it just happens not to be in his favor.) This causes him to mope about, pouting and apparently dwelling on the injustice of being him in this family. Sits on the couch, twirling him hair and watching tv, all folded in upon himself. Or he lays on the couch doing the same.

His way is the only way. If you don’t agree with him on any subject, you’re against him. He used to say (this started in the earlier years of our marriage) that I “didn’t support” him. It took me forever to figure out that what he meant was that I didn’t agree with him. It’s strange. He actually is offended, angry if I disagree with him. (regardless of the subject…or who really is the expert.. or how small an issue it is) I don’t think I can overemphasize his reaction to this. The feeling is that no one(in this family) is allowed to disagree with him with out causing trouble. (Another reason that we don’t talk with him that much…too many chances to cause chaos) Me (and ultimately the kids, too) being against him, I think, is his main emotion here.

As I read this over, I think that I have given you a fairly complete and accurate picture of Joe. I want to stress , on his behalf, that he doesn’t want his life to be this way. He would certainly welcome and act on any homeopathic suggestions you might have. I would be happy to answer any other questions that you might have or to clarify any points that I have already made.

Thank you

[ 25 August 2001: Message edited by: Merl ]

Merl - this isn't a homeopathic - well actually it is "like cures like". this is what to do....

Get your hubby and mine together. It would be an interesting afternoon for sure!

__________________
Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to animals. For they are without sin and you in your greatness defile the earth by your appearance on it and leave traces of you foulness after you. Dostoyevsky

I thought of sulph - can't wait to hear the others suggestions.

__________________
Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to animals. For they are without sin and you in your greatness defile the earth by your appearance on it and leave traces of you foulness after you. Dostoyevsky

Barb,

I, too, have noticed a similarity or two between them. Good luck to us, eh?

It has got to be Sulphur!! 10M- one dose!! I don't often make a suggestion on this BB but then I don't often see as clear a picture as this written out!!
You've got the clingng to favourite clothes, the stuff with the computer, the untidy , dirty unhygenic person who is bithered the way he looks and to top it all you have the explosive temper!! He hates the heat as well. What more do you want for Sulphur???

__________________
RSHom - Registered Homeopath

Boy how have you lived with that lot ???????but even as I read it and what little I know of Homeopathy it screams everything I have ever read of Sulphur

Definitely, we have to get Joe, David and the Absent-Minded Professor together in a closed room and allow them to become thoroughly repulsed by one another!

Yes, it would be hard not to prescribe sulphur.

Merl, the last we heard from you, I think there was some controversy over your remedy?
Did you find out what you had been prescribed?

Aren't you the one with the asthma attacks--suffocative coughing, better cold water?
How is that going?

Snoopy

Well Merl

This is very very exciting - everyone agree's and with such vigor!!!

Go grab the sulph and start dosing! Also your hubby sounds like he does want to change so this should be a wonderful experience, please keep us all posted!

__________________
Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to animals. For they are without sin and you in your greatness defile the earth by your appearance on it and leave traces of you foulness after you. Dostoyevsky

Hi everyone,
I don't think I've ever seen everyone agree before. Not one dissenting vote? Not one "maybe we should consider..."? WOW!!
Does everyone agree with Ricky on the dosing? If so, I'll start checking on sources for the 10M.

Thanks again to all of you.

Snoopy,
Yes , that was me with the asthmatic cough. My homeopath was out of town...didn't know what she had given me. Still don't know the dose but the remedy was nat mur. She started me on something else 10 days ago in an LM. I may have started to have some minimal action from it last night. Spoke with her today. We're going to keep watching and taking the remedy unless something more drastic happens. Still don't know what she's given me. She's of the opinion that if I know it will affect my reaction or some such. We're going along with this for now. She seemed like she would tell me if it was really going to stress me out not knowing. I have a follow-up appt. with her on the 29th of this month. Will keep you posted on the other thread, so as not to confuse this one.

Thanks for your interest.

OK, here goes "Ms. Low Potency" again, but, this guy has arthritis, if I remember correctly, and sciatica--chronic disease, in other words, as well as the obvious Sulphur mental picture. I hate to be a kill-joy, but, I would hate to see a cooperative patient have a bad experience with homeopathy because his arthritis pain became excruciating, or his sciatica pain....

Since he's willing to cooperate, can't he just as easily be given a 12C once or twice a day or an LM once a day? If the right remedy will act in any potency, as they say,
Why start with practically the highest one? It seems kind of dare-devil to me. Look how well the Absent-Minded Professor did on 12C once a day? Immediate improvement! And we can always go up--my motto. So, I'd be happy to leave it up to Merl, let her decide; or even, let Joe decide!

Snoopy

[ 24 August 2001: Message edited by: Snoopy ]