A friend of mine has husband (65ish, not sure how old exactly)who is verbally abusive, particularly when others are there to witness it. He demeans and ridicules unjustly, as the wife is quite intelligent and is mostly responsible for the running of their business. She does all the estimates and proposals and all the office work without help because he would not want anyone else in their home office. The business is asphalt paving and he has been doing this work for over 40 years. He also verbally attacks his employees and his wife is the one who tries to soothe situations. He is the type to thrash at someone one moment and then expect them to want to go out to dinner with them the next, as though nothing had occurred.

This man drinks beer mostly, all day, even on the job. Will stop at bars before coming home to drink even more. Will invent excuses to go out after work to drink in a public bar, but not at home. Is almost always somewhat drunk but functions in spite of it. However, he never drinks at home nor will he drink at all if completely alone. If his wife goes away, he will not leave the house and will not drink. He has been this way for almost their entire life together.

He is illiterate, can not read or write. I don't know if this is something he is bothered by or if he could not learn or choose not to learn. I don't know if he attended school.

He has always been extremely healthy, physically. About one year ago he suffered what the doctors called a heart attack but it never interfered with his apparent sense of well being. Never lost his appetite nor suffered any after affects. Was released with no meds nor instructions.

He will fall asleep soon after eating dinner, about 7 PM. He expects his wife to do absolutely nothing but make him dinner and sit with him until he falls asleep. She can not do the office work nor tend flowers....nothing but sit by his side. He resents anything she does outside of simply attending him. When their daughter was young he wanted her to not go to school, to not have a part-time job. He wanted her to stay home and be available to rub his feet! ( Can you imagine! It makes me shudder!) His wife took it upon herself to insure the daughter did go to school, participate in activities outside the home and drove her to a part-time job, so that she could live as normally as possible. There was always contention about that. Now that she is an adult and has her own home, he will not travel to visit her. He expects her to visit him.

He craves vinegar and puts it on almost everything he eats. Has huge appetite for almost all foods. Drinks milk with ice cubes in it at home. He has what his wife refers to as "nose" pain but she indicated this is from hangovers.

My friend took it upon herself to give her husband one pellet of Nux V 200C in his milk, without his knowledge. (I know this will be met with disapproval but he would never agree to any treatment, of any kind. His good wife is about at the end of her rope. Anyone else would have been done with him a long, long time ago.) The next day he apologized for being late coming home from work which is absolutely unheard of for him. He never apologizes for anything and certainly never treats her as if she deserves an apology for anything. He remained much more pleasant (for him) throughout the first week and then developed what appeared to be a bad cold. He never gets colds. He also started having trouble sleeping........keeping in mind that he slept far more hours per night than "normal" people would, previous to the Nux V. The benefits from the Nux V then seemed to dissipate quickly with the beginning of the cold symptoms.

I have been reading old posts regarding alcoholism. Some suggest Nux 1M followed by Sepia to create an aversion to beer. Others, Avena Sativa MT. Yet another, Strophantus MT...."20 drops in water...never drink again".

I think this sounds like Petroleum even though many other remedies weight higher. One extremely interesting remedy came up under Alcoholism, withdrawal, to help...Quercus Glandium Spiritus, which totally floored me. The use of Querc would be such poetic justice as this man hates the squirrel rehab work my friend does and is very critical (jealous) of her for it. It didn't rate high but sure was intriguing!

I don't know which are the most important symptoms to use to determine a remedy. I am afraid this is about all the information I have about this man. I feel it would be possible to ask her for more information if needed. Thanks for any suggestions.

Nux v is alright. Also closely related is Sulphur 200.

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To stop a bit of the beer habit, you could use kali bichr 200, but her is more under this..what i see, is sulphur, then lycopodium, but in order to get it to work properly use first one dose lycopodium one m, and he has to avoid coffe or it will not work, then sulphur in one m, but again its a problem cause he might get more angry,loose controll, cause of the drinking, so lyc is best to start with, after sulphur i think calc c will show.
Here is to little symptomes presented.
Nux is the dabblers choice.

In my "notebook" of GM's Gems, reference was made about the potential loss of control with use of "Sulph or any remedy used for suppressed anger" if alcohol is used during treatment. That's why I was looking for something specifically aimed at getting him to stop drinking. Flawed thinking, I know. He will not agree to change anything about himself and his wife is giving the remedies without his knowledge in an effort to salvage some small part of her own life. I will ask her if he drinks coffee and/or colas and suggest she try the Lyc first if he doesn't. But since he works with a crew of men there probably would be the smell of coffee around him. If he is a coffee drinker I will post back asking for guidance. It is wrong and useless, I guess, to administer without the person being involved or wanting help.

GM, do you think she should try the Kali Bi first to see if it at least will lessen his drinking?

GM and Ahmad, thank you both for taking the time to respond.

Hello gpm,

Speaking from unfortuate experience, I would have to say that AA and Alanon are some of the best "treatments" there are. Perhaps you will not appreciate this, however people who have lived with active alcoholics have many vested interests. As long as she stays with him and does exactly as she has for 40 years, nothing will change. Assuming he wants no change. And, really, why would he? Her vested interests include comfort in the familiar patterns and no threat of risky feelings or changes.

I assume you've heard of AA-- this addresses the person who is *interested* in not drinking and shows them how to stay stopped. Alanon is for everyone else affected by living with alcoholism and how to improve their life *despite* active drinking or changes of one getting sober.

I realize this has nothing to do with homeopathy-- but I wonder of the ethics involved?

My best to you. DAnne

d Anne C (what a name!) I agree with all you say. Problem is this man, as you stated, has no interest in changing anything at all. There is no way of having him address something he doesn't see as a problem.

I am not on a particularly intimate level with the wife. We work together in wildlife rehabbing and I have pretty much just been available as a listener in the very few brief moments not involving animal caregiving. I want to tell her to leave the blankety blank but I won't do that. I feel sure she would be very relieved if he simply didn't come home one night!

I will pass on the idea of Alanon to her. It's an excellent thought. Thank you for suggesting it.

How about if the wife has homoeopathic treatment first; she will presumably stop being a comfort blanket/ doormat and so might provoke her hubbie into wanting to address his problems.
I don't think much can be achieved in the way proposed, lacing drinks etc.

Anna, thank you for your reply. I did post the wife's case on 6-9-00 under "Fatty Tumors". I don't know if it is proper to try to re-post it in the current discussion threads. At that time GM had suggested Sil 12C. After verifying with him the appropriateness of the remedy and potency, I called on her to give the remedy to her and she had just been taken for emergency treatment due to a fall. She had been having pains in her legs and fell, hitting the back of her head against a dresser corner. She was transferred to a University teaching hospital that was better equipped. The information I received was that there was enormous swelling of the head from the fall but she also had a blood clot in the leg. I may not have this correctly but there was difficulty in treating the head trauma because of the clot and they did prepare her to amputate her leg. Just prior to the surgery to amputate, the clot did dissolve (?) and amputation wasn't needed.

She was advised by the doctors that it was quite remarkable that she survived let alone didn't lose her leg. They told her at release they had not expected her to live. Her head trauma was so extensive that her head remained about 50% larger than normal with totally purple face, scalp and as time passed, the appearance was that of a thermometer going down....as the blood drained downward. It left her with dark purple rings around the eyes long after the rest of her face cleared.

She remains on blood thinners and I truthfully don't know what else at present. I was terrified to even suggest any remedies while she was in convalescence, however much I ached to give her Arnica, at the least. I have not even suggested she begin the original prescription of Sil. About one month ago she suffered the loss of someone very close and was in deep depression. She took one Nat Mur 200C and was able to sleep without sleeping pills and it did seem to help her cope. She said she felt better but still very sad about her loss, to the point she isn't sure she will be able to do the wildlife work any longer.

Thank you Anna, for spurring me to return to the original problem with my friend. I have been trying to catch up with so many things that have been sorely neglected during the height of the wildlife season.

I should probably start a new thread for this but wasn't sure if I could bring the old posts back. If that would be more appropriate, I will try to do so. Any advice anyone has to offer for either hubby or wife will be much appreciated. She advised me that she will answer any questions. Thank you.

Poor woman. One has to wonder whether it was a "fall" that nearly killed her.
From the outside it seems that there is only one situational cure for her...but that would have to come from inside her...by means of strengthening remedies.

It sounds as though they are two sides of a rather unhealthy set up there, and might both benefit from treatment. But you have to deal with the one who is willing first. Then see if the other might come later.

I sympathise with your reluctance to give arnica. Before I was trained, someone close to me had a terrible head injury for which arnica was the appropriate remedy. Lacking confidence then, I asked at the hospital if I could administer it, and was of course refused.
After an injury it's always the number one remedy to think of, even before you really think, give it.

iF to give the wife something, give natrium mur high. 10 m or cm, if you look closer at her picture, nm will show, their the only ones that take abuse so long.