Dear Ricky,
dear Shirley,
dear Shashi,
Ladies and Gentlemen,

this is my weekly update:

The week was quiet, nothing spectacular happened with me. I still did not complete the tax-statements.

Till Wednesday I stepped on the scale every morning and evening and not only once but about ten times for each measurement to be really sure. On Wednesday morning I was back at 93 Kilo (= 1 Kilo plus) and was devastated, angry, depressed, frustrated ... This mood lasted all Wednesday and still lingers a little, even today.

On this Wednesday I put the scale far away and have not used it since. It used to be in the bathroom, right next to the sink. It may sound odd but when I now enter the scale-free bathroom I feel a new kind of freedom, as if some pressure was taken off me. After all, it is stupid to use a scale 25 times each day weighing 205 pounds - at this weight the mirror, the rings on my fingers and my old pair of jeans that hopefully fits again in the future should be enough assisting devices to make any weight loss visible. No motivation comes from that scale, only depression and frustration.

I changed my exercise routine. I did 30 Minutes of 'Health-Rider' every work-day morning and did not work out with the weights. I had planned to do the weight exercises on three evenings during the week, but - the same old problem - I did not manage to fulfill this plan. Maybe next week. I am content that I managed to work out on the five mornings.

I worry about my laziness, even at work I postponed important tasks and did not manage to get things done. This is dangerous, I know that, but somehow there is just not enough energy or determination. I even spent time surfing the internet. (I have my own office, in this regard this is a disadvantage.) I feel ashamed to tell you this but I feel you need to know to have the complete picture. I know that if I do not pull myself together soon I may get into severe trouble, not only with my private tax statements, but also at work. Sometimes I feel I am so close to being better that it would only take one little push from somewhere to put me back on track. I know I can be active and successful, I just am not at this moment.

I promise, I am trying hard at working on myself. I am struggling, but I have not given up.

At the moment I put a lot of curiosity and hope into EFT.

Bettina