Hi Bettina!

First of all, I think it is a sign of very good strength the feel angry about such experiences, and to be resistant to "suggestions" made by those around you.

I think you handled that well--and I encourage you to prepare for such cruelty the next time it comes your way from "well-meaning" people.

You already know that in our society, it is perfectly acceptable--in fact encouraged!--for people to practice open discrimination and hostility against the overweight. In fact, people are so terrified by "fat" and by becoming fat (because they know how fat people are treated!) that they have pathologized fat.

You have to understand that your relatives are merely acting as they've been conditioned to act towards you--they are not thinking, and they don't realize how cruel they are. If they were to only stop and think about what they've said, they would be horrified at their behaviour.

So you must point out to them that their words and behaviour towards you--their cruelty--will not be tolerated any further. This can be done lovingly, so that they don't get defensive--but they have to be made to realize just how hurtful they are. I know that once you are able to do this with them, they will never bother you again in this way. No one likes to realize that they can be this damaging to another person, simply by not thinking. Remind them that you are a human being who deserves respect, not mistreatment.

As for your grandmother's offer to help you become more acceptable in her eyes, well, I have a not-so-kind response ready for relatives like that. It involves the mention of nursing homes...but I have to reserve that for my family alone!! (just KIDDING!!! Do NOT say this to your grandmother!!) Please keep in mind that her opinion should matter very little--Shirley was quite correct to remind you that if you did not look "acceptable", you would not be as successful in your career as you obviously are.

It is always great to see you doing so well. You are right to feel anger at such comments--I know you will find a way to eliminate such negativity from your life now that you've become so aware of its presence in your world. I'm sure you will learn a great deal in confronting your relatives about this, too. Now that its all "out in the open", it can be cleared up once and for all!

Divina

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...and deliverance has many faces<br />but grace<br />is an aquaintance of mine