In answer to Johnstanton's & Ben's questions from my original posting "Depression":
-- I am NOT SUICIDAL-I know alot of depressed people are.

History w/symptoms - as short as I can get it.
12/96 - quit smoking on my own (I don't even know if this is relevant).Also gave up coffee & chocolate.
7/97 - while driving on the highway got a bad headache, felt like I was going crazy like I couldn't control myself. Sweaty, hands & feet tingled, felt faint like. Afraid I was going to faint at the wheel and be in an accident.
These "panic attacks" cont'd so I stopped driving on the highway altogether.
8/97 - "panic attacks" started happening all the time not only when not driving. Panic turned to constant anxiety. Nervous all of the time, sleeplessness, unable to relax.
3/13/98 thru 6/2/98 - recv'd homeopathic treatment. First given 6 panic remedies. I was to put one under my tongue when I felt panicked (used while driving locally). It seemed to work at first but then it didn't. Then given a liquid remedy that you mix with water. Sorry, I don't remember the name of it or how I was suppose to use it. Tried it once and felt like anxiety was lifted for a couple of days but then felt depressed and obessive/compulsive underneath the lifted anxiety. This felt worse than the anxiety so like I said I stopped using homeopathic remedy. Told 13yr. practicing homeopath I was seeing what happened. Was told that she was sorry that she couldn't have helped me. I spent about $350.
7/98-True depression took over the constant anxiety. Feelings were text book. Felt guilty for no reason, felt worthless, crying alot, couldn't wait for the day to be over, isolated myself from friends, couldn't really leave the house - if I did it was very hard to do and I'd always make the shortest trips possible.
7/99 - started taking antidepressants and have been on them since. Like I've said they really have helped me but my concerns are what happens when I stop taking them in the recommended 2 to 3 years from now? I'm told that I may have to be on them forever? (I'm age 33/female) 30 or 40 more years on medication? How could that be good??? If I wanted to become pregnant I'm told I should stop taking the anti-depressant and make it through pregancy to delivery. After delivery I would start medication again and would be unable to breastfeed - that is upsetting. Also, like I said in my original posting anti-depressant makes me feel "in neutral" all of the time. In other words, I don't feel an opinion or emotion alot of the time. I don't know how else to explain.
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During this time span 7/97 to present. I have been to several psychiatric professional and have tried many medications & herbs anti-depressants/tranquilizers/St.John's, KavaKava/5HTP). I should also mention that I felt the anxiety and then depression in cycles not constantly. It does not revolve around menstrual cycles. I would get 2/3 weeks of anxiety/depression and then be fine for 6 weeks. It was off and on.

I truely can not pinpoint any one circumstance that led to this major clinical depression - that's what it's been termed. I don't know could ceasing smoking cause ALL of this??? I smoked off&on from age 13 to 30. Never smoked more than 1 pack a day. Smoked most steadily & heavily from ages 23-30.
***Was under alot of stress from 7/95-10/96 due to wedding planning, new job, fiancee's employer not paying him on time, alot of financial stress due to wedding -I don't know could all of this finally have caught up to me emotionally?

Upbringing was fine - 2 parents still married, one male sibiling - great relationship. College graduate, physically in shape, normal weight, great husband.

In closing, the anxiety & depression I went through at times was so severe that I could not function. Also, at the beginning of all of this it was a very fearful time since all of this was new to me and I knew something was wrong but didn't know what it was and it kept getting worse. I stopped working in May of 98 due to all of this. Somedays getting up, making the bed, making a bagged lunch and dinner for my husband, was all I could do. It was beyond saying "I feel depressed". All major illness have been ruled out. I've had an EKG for my heart. An MRI to check for a brain tumor - everything is fine. I don't have a thyroid problem or seizure disorder. The medical/psychiatric world says that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. My dopamine levels are off or low and the medication helps the dopamine work correctly.
I'm told that most depressed people have a serotonin chemical problem but mine is dopamine and that's why it's taken awhile to find the correct medicine.

Your thoughts are appreciated. I know this is long but I want to know what else is out there for me. Before all of this happened I only used to go to the doctors once a year and was busy living life!!!!
Thanks-pluto