Bettina, Bettina.
Your post has made me sad. (Now don't go feeling guilty about that, I will be fine!) But I am sad that you take so much upon yourself emotionally. You have some physical features that upset you, and you have internalized that and feel worthless. However, what we see here is a person of great value and exceptional kindness. I'm sorry, but you cannot change our mind. We are seeing it from a healthier perspective.
The name: Well, Kescah is not my name either. On another post someone said that using an assumed name means that you are hiding or escaping. True! So what? I go by Kescah in these posts for my own reasons, and very few know what they are. I might burden you with it someday, since you are so giving and caring.
My name is Debbie, but that's all the BB in general gets. You can hide all you want to.
Suppose you don't learn to rest and take care of yourself when needed- and you get very ill with something else. Is that really what your father wanted for his workmate? No. He just is not experienced with the situation personally and doesn't understand. However, if he gets really ill I suspect he takes off some time! Women have had to work much longer hours to have the same reputation as a man and get the same promotions. And many men have had to learn by being told so, that once you arrive at home, there is still work to be done. In the past they could sit down and read while the wife cooked and cleaned, and when women went to work, it took awhile for some men to "get it." Would your father want you bleeding all over the furniture at work and passing out on the elevator? I am sure he would not. He was just feeling cranky about the woman at work! :razz: Very normal for any of us who are affected by someone elses problems. But it really does affect us how our parents talk, doesn't it?
Many of us don't like to exercise. Ricky excluded!
You are much better than I on your diet. Your diet is a very difficult one, as anyone knows who has tried it (if they enjoy sweets or carbs.) Don't feel so bad about it if you occassionally treat yourself. It is probably good for you to do so! And we all have our little weaknesses and flaws like procrastinating. It's just part of our makeup to have flaws! Nobody on earth is better than you. (Especially if they think they are.) Idiotic is a very harsh word to use about yourself. You would do well to delete if from your English, which is excellent. You do not use too many words.
One day you will take a remedy that will help you not to cry so easily. And you will feel much better. I don't blame you for being so concerned about your health, but it will improve. The "real you" seems to be good enough for your friend, and you do trust his judgement, don't you? I think if you were to close your eyes and imagine yourself looking like you hope to after treatment, you will like yourself better on the inside as well. I think it is about that. Surely you see your good qualities, as they are abundant!
Have a nice day, and visualize the future you when you think about yourself. That is the real you anyway, the rest is just disease. (If you knew all about me you'd swallow hard!)