I'm writing on behalf of my friend who doesn't have a computer of her own. She is now sitting next to me and telling me what to write. So her story:
I'm 52 years old woman with dark complexion, height 166 cm and 55 kgs. Divorced since 1993. I'm living with my 11 yrs old daughter. I'm suffering from the burden of my past which I can't get rid of. My childhood is somehow still holding me.I'm the youngest of the 5 children.The other four have been born quite in close sequence and I was born 4 yrs after the second youngest. I've felt for many years as an outsider in the family. My mother was very sick during my childhood, she got ill after my birth and I felt years that it was my fault or at least I think others in the family thought so.
In high school I felt great anxiety of the whole existence as if I hadn't been able to live at all. I didn't have any friends then and all my sisters and brothers had already moved away from home. I got some medicine for that which helped. At that time my mother told me not to get ill at home (she meant the mental illness which would have been so shameful for her and the family).
After my first child (now 24 yrs old son) was born I went through some kind of depression and got some medication for it. That took a few years. In my opinion that didn't help very well. I didn't like to take those pills.
The same depression has maintained on the bottom of my mind during all these years. If I have something interesting to do or think the depression stays away. Anyhow this prevents me from closer contacts with other people.
When my son was about 6 yrs old I had a relationship with a man who was my physician. He said me that I am grazy. That caused me a kind of break-down for which I needed new treatment. I was a borderline case then. I cannot explain my feelings then but there was no guiltyness though. After that I have not had any severe aggravations.
When we were building our house I felt some offences of my territory from the neighbours. I don't know if my husband had made some agreements with them but I didn't know of them and I felt their behaviour as an intrusion. This is a remarkable thought - intrusion or obtrusion to my area. This is a reason for not to go to any consultations of psychologist etc. I always fall in love with them or now I think that my fire has been lit by them. (writer's remark: this is a big issue in her). I think I am not able to fall in love to anybody but I think the love of others lit me. I cannot stand it more so I won't go to any treatments.
I easily feel that men try to get my attention with a negative way and try to wake my interest through making me angry. I also feel many people trying to provoke me in many ways, making noises etc. For example one priest talks every time when I'm in church about a sinful woman which I feel he directs to me. I can't participate in the church actions very much as I do not feel so sacred as others. I always fall in love with the teachers and lecturers. Perhaps this falling in love to everyone makes me feel sinful. In these love thoughts there is always some sexual desire with and I feel that unpleasant.
Physically I have always some tenacious mucus in my throat. When I feel myself spiritually elevated the mucus disappears and vice et versa.
At home no one took my opinions seriously.
At 2 yrs old I was about to drown and little later I fell to a deep oilditch in a garage. And my parents were only worried of my new coat.
I've always exercised a lot (skiing and cycling)and been physically in good condition. During the last year I've slowed down with it.
I don't eat meat, avoid salt and sour and acids also milk products except cheeses that I eat a little. If I eat milk products I get some joint pains in fingers.
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All opinions or questions are wellcomed.
Any suggestions for remedies, GM, Frank and others?